HOW TO INCORPORATE SEX TOYS INTO YOUR FAVORITE SEX POSITIONS

When it comes to sex toys, you might have your reservations. Why complicate things? What's wrong with a penis—is that not enough anymore? What's wrong with MY penis?! Well, we don't know you intimately enough to answer all of those questions. We can assume you and your penis are perfectly capable of getting her off. But there's something to say about getting out of your comfort zone and exploring the limits of your pleasure. Complicating things doesn't have to be all that complicated. It can, however, introduce you to some mind-melting, nerve-tingling, lose-absolute-control orgasms.

And, no, sex toys aren't just for women. "It’s not just about making friends with her vibrator so you’ve got backup if you don’t make her orgasm," says Tracey Cox a sex, body language, and relationship expert. (She also has a new product range of sex toys for men deisgned to maximize your performance called Edge.) "Toys help solve the age-old problem that comes with sleeping with the same person time and time again: boredom!" she explains.

Sex toys provide all the novelty, adventure, and kinkiness your sex life has been missing without the risk of endangering your relationship—something that can easily happen if you try to spice things up with, say, a threesome.

If you haven't noticed, the pleasure industry is a booming business, not likely to lose steam anytime soon. So there really is a sex toy for every guy, whether you're a little more reserved and trying to dip your toe in the pool or you're all-in, swimming in deep water. 

Now, keep reading to see how these devices (and more) can elevate your favorite sex positions.

1. DOGGIE

It's pretty unanimous: Men love doggie style. It's the position that gives you the deepest penetration, the most control, and a great view. But, more often than not, this position fails to get women off because you're not stimulating her clitoris. To make sex more satisfying for the both of you, try this:

"Wear a penis ring and hold a medium-size vibrator on her clitoris," Cox says. "A penis ring is simply a firm ring you slide on around the base of your penis to keep an erection strong and firm," Cox explains. Some adjust with a toggle, others look like small rubber rings, but all work to stimulate her clitoris during penetration. "Wearing one will score you major points with her," Cox says, "just make sure to grind rather than thrust to enable constant contact with the clitoris," she recommends. If it's too much for her to handle in the beginning, opt for one sex toy; then add the other as she becomes accustomed to the sensation. She can even put a hand over yours to guide the vibrator to the speed and rhythm that'll build her up to climax.

2. COWGIRL

Traditionally this position is a female-favorite since she can ride you and take full reign over the movement—pulling back and thrusting to hit her g-spot and run the full length of your shaft, or taking you deep and grinding against your body for clitoral stimulation. But to make the sex more explosive for you, try this variation:

"He’s blindfolded while she uses him for her pleasure, stopping to tease his nipples and testicles with her vibrator," Cox says. There are a few elements working here. By taking away your sight—yes, it robs you of the show and her body on display—it heightens your senses; what's more, your body doesn't know what to anticipate. The stimulation can happen anywhere, so you're more attuned to the sensations as they happen, not as you expect them to.

3. MISSIONARY

It's not always imaginative, but Missionary gets the job done; it's also one of the top positions for men and women because it boosts intimacy and gives you both what you want: good penetration for him, clitoral stimulation for her. There's an incredibly easy way to set fire to her blood (and yours), though:

"Apply some orgasm gel (lube that has stimulants in it to add heat and draw blood) to her clitoris," Cox says. The more you get into this position, the closer your bodies are, and the more your bodies heat up and sweat, making it more intense. You can also add a vibrating penis ring or a toy that will stay in place (without holding it) against her clitoris.

4. STANDING

One of the trickiest of all sex positions, standing-up sex involves a fair amount of strength and logistics to work out in your favor. If there's a good height difference between the two of you, your pelvises won't line up; she'll need to be propped up or standing on something solid that won't move. However, you can also get her to climax without penetration. If you want to use this as a precursor to sex, hold a vibrator on her clitoris. You can face each other, wrap one arm around her body and use the other to control the vibrator while she wraps an arm around your neck/shoulders and uses her free hand to stimulate you.

26 SEX POSITIONS THAT'LL GET HER OFF EVERY TIME

We know you want to please your lady (and they sure as hell want you to do it, too). But if you're like most guys, you probably settle for using just a few basic sex positions and call it a night. And that can get a little, well boring.

"Women know that most guys want them to reach O-land, and they don't want to disappoint," says Dorian Solot, a sex educator and co-author of I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide. "So all too often, women fake orgasms, or just let their partner assume they had one."

That's why we've compiled this list of mind-blowing sex positions, ranging from tried-and-true classics to awesomely exotic moves that will set your sex life on fire. Believe us: Both you—and she—will know that they work.

1. MISSIONARY

According to sex experts, women get the most pleasure out of basic missionary sex. "Interestingly, when we surveyed women, good old-fashioned missionary position was the overall favorite. There's nothing fancy about it, but women said they loved the closeness and the intimacy of having their partner's weight on them," says Solot.

But in order for missionary position to be most effective, make sure you're entering her at the correct angle, says Los Angeles-based sex expert and radio host Lora Somoza. "By going in diagonally—rather than straight in and out—there's more friction for clitorial stimulation, which is best, since that's how most women achieve orgasm."

2. REVERSE COWGIRL

In this position, the man is either lying down or in a sitting position, and the female straddles him backwards — facing his feet instead of his face. It's a key position that also allows easy access to the clitoris, says sexologist and sexuality educator Megan Andelloux. "Because of the easier clitoral access, this position is the one that is most likely to facilitate an orgasm because direct clitoral stimulation is easy to engage in."

3. DOGGIE STYLE

Doggie style is a great position for the woman because it allows her to have optimal control. "She is able to adjust her range of motion for an angle that feels best," says Amy Levine, a sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure. "He can likely stimulate her G-spot and have access to her clitoris with his hand, her hand or a toy, like a small bullet-shaped vibrator."

But make sure to use your hands for clitoral stimulation too while in the doggie style position, says sexologist Gloria Brame, Ph.D. "She will rarely have an orgasm if you're not doing something manually in front at the same time," she says.

4. GIRL ON TOP

Another position that allows her to have the most control of her orgasm is when she's the one on top, facing forward. But the position still needs to be a joint effort, Somoza explains. "You can help her by moving her hips up and down. It's a communication thing," she says. Levine adds that when the woman is on top, "she's in control of the depth and motion, as well as having easy access to her clitoris for pleasure.”

5. SPOONING

If your lady doesn't prefer deep penetration, Andelloux suggests spooning. It’s also good "if you're into lazy morning Sunday sex playtime. It concentrates on stimulation of the front portion of the vagina or rectum, which is where the most nerves are located in the genitals." Andelloux explains that spooning is pleasurable because it creates a tighter fit in the vagina and rectum, so if a woman is looking for more stimulation from her partner’s fingers or penis... spoon away.

6. CRISSCROSS

According to Marshall Miller, a sex educator and co-author of I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide, this is another great position for clitoral stimulation. "Both partners are lying down. The woman is on her back and the guy is on his side. She has her legs draped over his middle like a giant X," he says. "Since your bodies aren't squished against each other, either you or she can reach down to rub her clitoris, what most women need to reach the Big O."

7. THE PILLOW TECHNIQUE

Many sex experts agree that positions often become more pleasurable for a woman when a pillow or blanket is added to create a new angle of entry. In missionary, Levine says to "put a pillow under her tush to give a pelvic lift. That can also help the man rub her g-spot with his penis." Brame says it's a tip that is often underutilized, and that you can even use furniture or yoga props. "Certain angles for some women won't be comfortable," he says. "Ask her what is working for her.”

8. COITAL ALIGNMENT TECHNIQUE

This position, created by psychotherapist Edward Eichel, is considered by many to be the "greatest sex position in the world." Start in a normal missionary position with your full body weight on top of the woman, not resting on your elbows. Move forward so that the base of your penis (your pubic bone) is making direct contact with her clitoris. Her legs should be around your thighs and you should be moving together in a rhythmic, rocking motion. "Some swear that this position allows for the closest physical connection and the best clitoral stimulation based on his positioning," says Levine.

9. ANKLES UP

"When you're on top of somebody or flat, you can't always achieve full penetration," says Brame—which is why adjusting her leg positioning allows for deeper contact. "You have to put her ankles up over your shoulders. It allows you to go as deep inside of her as possible and hit her G-spot." The same deepness can also be achieved by her bending her knees or placing the soles of her feet on your chest.

10. KNEELING

This is a simple woman-on-top position where she's (duh) kneeling on an arm chair or bed, straddling you. "It's the best way for her to have control over penetration and when you both climax since she can slow down or speed up, grind and thrust at her own pace," Brame says. "Even women who don't necessarily want to be in control in bed might enjoy if their partner grips her arms or hips and helps steer their movements."

11. EDGE OF THE BED

Like the Ankles Up position, this encourages deep penetration since she's lying on her back with her hips at the edge of the bed, and you're entering from under her legs (which can rest on your torso or fall over the edge of the bed). However, it can be difficult to get comfortable if the bed is too low and your groin isn't in line with hers. "More likely, you'll need to lower yourself or bend over her to penetrate fully, but it's sexy on the edge of the bed because it feels like you couldn't actually wait to get to the pillow," Brame says. Plus, she gets a direct view of the action.

12. Cowgirl with a Twist

This takes Cowgirl up a notch. She kneels and straddles you, while you're flat on your back. The twist is you bend your knees, supporting her butt. From here, she can push off your chest to help control as she slides up and down against your thighs. Because there's less stress on her legs and she's in control, she can delay your climax and get the right rhythm. Plus, you can grab onto her hips or thighs and meet each thrust.

13. THE BRIDGE

From Missionary position, sit up so your weight is supported on your ankles, knees spread wide. Have her lie on her back, feet flat on the bed. From here, she'll arch her hips into a low bridge position. "By arching to met your penis, you can join your bodies at the perfect angle and get maximum penetration," Brame says. Prop some pillows under her back to keep the position from becoming uncomfortable.

14. BELLY DOWN

This will present some new sensations since she's on bottom, lying face-down on the bed while you lie down on top of her (or hover above her in a semi-pushup position, entering from behind. Her legs should be straight and her hips slightly raised to meet you. This will put your penis right in line with her g-spot and give you a super snug fit. "Never hesitate to use a good water-based lube to help glide into positions," Brame advises; "you may not slide in her as easily as you do in Missionary." And like The Bridge, you can prop pillows underneath her abdomen to raise her vagina into a better angle; this is especially helpful if you have very different heights.

15. STANDING AGAINST A WALL

"This is one of the oldest, fastest ways to have a quickie," Brame says, and it works best when she's the one against the wall. With her shoulders and back resting against the wall for support, have her lean her pelvis forward and wrap a leg around your waist to control your speed and penetration. "It seems like an easy position, but it's really best for similar-height lovers (a really tall guy with a really short girl will find challenging, and vice versa), and if she has strong legs," she adds.

16. BENT-AT-THE-WAIST

Stand behind her, then have her hinge and bend at the waist while you enter from behind. Bending at the waist tightens her vaginal walls and creates more friction; plus penetration is easy from this angle. Though Brame advises: "This is best performed when a woman has some kind of support in front of her, like a table, sink, or piece of furniture to hang on to." It'll actually work in your favor if she's anchored to something; one hand can grip her hip for support while the other reaches around to stimulate her clitoris.

17. MISSIONARY WITH A TWIST

As the name implies, you'll both turn onto your sides from the missionary position, using your arms to supporting each other and intertwining your legs to get more leverage and the best fit. "The charm of this position is that you move very slowly and try to stay connected the whole time, essentially rolling to the side while still having intercourse," Brame says. She'll also have constant clitoral stimulation, which is so important for the female orgasm.

18. Cross-Legged

You don't need to be flexible enough to sit completely cross-legged like a pretzel, you just need to be able to get into a seated position with your erection facing up. From here, she'll sit in your lap, facing you and wrapping her legs around your hips/waist. You'll achieve maximum penetration and she can be fully in control either riding you or rocking her hips while she holds onto your shoulders for support.

19. THE SPIDER

Both of you are seated on the bed, facing-to-face, with your legs pointed toward one another, leaning on your hands for support (imagine you're doing a crab walk). Next, have her walk her feet over your body so they're on either side of your hips and flat on the bed. Her hips should be positioned between your spread legs, giving you full access to penetrate. Instead of thrusting, you'll rock back and forth. The beauty of this position is you can still maintain eye contact while viewing the action, and she can control the angle, speed, and motion to climax.

20. THE PRETZEL

An imaginative position, you combine bits and pieces of Face-to-Face and Doggie-Style. As she's lying on her left side, you'll kneel and straddle her left leg while she bends her right leg around your waist. "You should do positions because they're fun and make you happy," Brame says. "Feel free to follow your natural inclination to find better, hotter sensations, which can mean sitting up, rolling over, pretzeling or doggy-styling." In short, it's all about what keeps you engaged and satisfied in bed. And you won't know what does that until you're hot and heavy in the midst of it.

21. The Camel 

This is a slight—but important!—variation on standard woman on top. Have her lean back just a bit and rest her hands behind her. You’ll still have direct access to her clitoris, and your penis will rub right up against her G-spot. Double the pleasure for her! 

22. THE SIDE RIDER 

This one can be a little tricky to visualize, but it’s well-worth the effort. Lie on your back with your feet flat on the bed and your knees in the air. Have her straddle one of your legs and lower down onto your penis. She holds onto your leg and grinds against your thigh. 

23. UPRIGHT DOGGY  

If you have a hard time getting to her clitoris during regular Doggystyle, try having her prop herself up over the headboard or the back of a sofa. You’re still behind her, but there’s more space for you to give her the ol’ reach-around.

24. LYING DOGGY 

From regular Doggystyle, have her slowly lower her body until she’s lying flat on her stomach and you’re lying on top of her with your stomach on her back. She can lift her butt slightly and squeeze a hand down to touch her clitoris. A lot of women masturbate in this position, so it’s a real winner! 

25. THE LAP DANCE   

Stay in your chair but have her turn to face the same direction as you. She’ll still have plenty of control, and she’ll have more space to reach down and touch her clitoris. 

26. SEATED COWGIRL 

Sit in a chair and have her straddle you, facing you. She'll have more leverage to move exactly how she wants and find the angle that’s just right for her.

WHAT'S A 'BLENDED ORGASM' AND HOW DO I GIVE HER ONE?

If you've been known to troll—er, frequent—female-centric websites for insight on getting her off, odds are good you've stumbled across something called a "blended orgasm."

Something of a unicorn in the world of pleasure, the phenomenon seems elusive and mysterious—and we're betting you sure as hell wanna get your hands on one.

Well, now's the time to learn.

Blended orgasms are a mixture of clitoral and G-spot orgasms. As a female orgasm expert, I’ve been getting a lot of questions from my male clients about how to give their partner one, so I’m here to separate fact from fiction and teach you how to maximize her pleasure.

I personally don’t like classifying orgasms. I think it drags us back into the dark age when Freud was arguing that clitoral orgasms were “immature.” Classifying and ranking orgasms inevitably makes women feel inadequate and broken. It makes them feel pressured to perform.

Bottom line: The pleasure your lady feels is most important. The specific “type” of orgasm she has really doesn’t matter. 

My advice: Rather than pressuring her to have a blended orgasm, simply keep your focus on giving her internal and external stimulation at the same time. A shockingly small number of men do—or even know how to do—this. The combination of sensations can be mind-blowing for a woman as she fires from multiple erogenous zones.

Here are the best ways to give her dual stimulation.

HOW TO GET HER OFF WITH BOTH YOUR HANDS

One of the easiest ways to provide dual stimulation is to put your hands to work. You’ve got two of them, after all. This is an underrated sexual act, so she'll be impressed by your dexterity.

First, get into a comfortable position, sitting with your back against the headboard of the bed. Then, have her lie on her back between your legs, facing you. (She’ll have to bend her knees and rest her feet flat on the bed.) This position gives you tons of support and leverage, so you can go for a long time without starting to cramp up. 

Spend a little time warming her up with caresses all over her body. When she starts squirming for more, use one or two fingers of your dominant hand to focus on her clitoris (I highly recommend using lube to help your fingers glide around on this delicate skin). Since you'll be using two hands, keep it simple on the clitoris. Try going in circles, or moving your finger diagonally across the surface of the clitoris. Check in with her for feedback about what she likes best—if she doesn't know, or seems shy, try two different strokes and ask her which one she prefers. Meanwhile, use your other hand to stroke her breasts or thighs.

Once you've gotten into a rhythm with her clitoris, you can start to use your non-dominant hand on her internally. There are two different techniques I suggest trying. 

First, simply move one or two fingers in and out of her vagina. (Again, a little lube will keep things moving smoothly.) The majority of the nerve endings are in the outer third of her vaginal canal, so try to focus more on that region. 

Another option is to aim for the anterior wall of her vaginal canal (the side directly under her abdomen). With your palm facing up, insert one or two fingers, then curl them as if you're making a “come here” motion. Start stroking the top of her vaginal canal, gradually increasing your pressure. You're actually stimulating the internal fibers of her clitoris through layers of skin, so you need a fair amount of oomph.

Try each technique, and ask her which she likes best. Once you've homed in on her clitoral and internal preferences, keep going. Let her ride that wave.

HOW TO STIMULATE HER WITH YOUR MOUTH AND HAND(S)

When most guys think about oral sex, they think about using their mouths and only their mouths. After all, it’s oral, right? I don’t blame you for the association, but you’re missing out—or, rather, she's missing out—on a golden opportunity. One of the most frequent pieces of feedback I hear from my female clients is that they want their partners to get their hands involved during oral.

Use your mouth to focus on her clitoris. Again, keep it simple and consistent, with a basic up-and-down or side-to-side lick. With your dominant hand, try the two internal techniques I mentioned above.

If you really want to take the prize, try playing with her vagina with one hand and her anus with the other. Even a little bit of pressure at the anal entrance can send her spiraling into the mother of all orgasms. 

HOW TO MAKE HER CLIMAX WITH YOUR PENIS AND HANDS

Here’s another seemingly obvious trick to try, though hardly any men do: Touch her clitoris while you’re having intercourse. Most sex positions don’t create much, if any, clitoral stimulation, so women are rarely able to orgasm from intercourse alone. But this is easily remedied by getting your hands involved. 

The easiest way to do this is with her on top. Use your thumb to stroke up and down on her clitoris as she rides you, or keep your thumb still and let her grind against it. 

WHAT'S THE PROPER RATIO OF QUICKIES TO ROMANTIC SEX?

Ask Men's Fitness: I say it’s about five quickies to every long, involved session, but my girlfriend thinks it’s more like 1–to-1. I know she wants to feel special, but a good sex life is three to four times a week, no? Do I need to drop rose petals on the bed and take two hours to get it on each time? - CHRIS T., MIAMI, FL

Most women don’t experience orgasms from quickies, so if you’re saying you want five orgasms to every one she has, is that fair?

Probably, as a guy, you’re usually ready to go, but women need to be aroused to want sex. If she’s telling you she wants a 1-to-1 ratio, she may be saying quickies don’t get her off. So it might not be a “desire gap” but an “arousal gap.”

What to do? First, try using quickies to generate the arousal she needs to desire more sex. If you take the goal of your own orgasm off the table and, say, commit to a 15-minute nonorgasm quickie, I promise you’ll be surprised where it leads.

You can also expand your definition of a quickie to include her orgasm. And get creative—quickies can be make-out sessions; hot, teasing oral sex; or 15 minutes with a vibrator. Design them using all the types of sex that make for a good balance: sex for lovemaking and emotional connection; fantasy sex; sensual sex involving sound, touch, and taste; sex to relieve stress; sex for the sake of sex.

Of course, you can also agree that sometimes a quickie doesn’t have to be mutually orgasmic; the point is to talk and set expectations.

If, after you try these ideas, your libido still outstrips hers, take more responsibility for your orgasm (i.e., masturbate), but also try to help her understand that sometimes you may need some good old-fashioned charity sex. That might do the trick.

Ian Kerner, Ph.D. is a psychotherapist and sex counselor. 

Is Breakup Sex Ever a Good Idea? We Asked Sex Therapists

If you’ve seen any rom-com ever, you know breakup sex is the hottest sex. The idea of doing it just one last time, and leaving it all in the bedroom, is pretty much as steamy as it gets. 

It goes without saying, though, that breakup sex can be messy. If one partner was just dumped, for example, they could be hoping that sex will make their ex rethink the breakup. But Holly Richmond, a certified sex therapist in New York City, says breakup sex won’t save the relationship, and if it does, it’ll likely only last a few weeks. 

So why do we have a burning desire to have breakup sex, and is it ever a good idea? We asked sex therapists for the facts. 

Why do we want to have breakup sex?

Breakup sex means something different for everyone. “Having sex one last time can be about celebrating everything that was good in the relationship,” Richmond says. “Relationships usually end for emotional reasons, not sexual ones, so it’s like that last connection to something that was really amazing for the period of time that you were together.” 

If both people understand why they can’t be together and are comfortable with the breakup (say, for example, they’re moving to different cities or one wants to have kids and the other doesn’t), sex can be purely about connecting one last time, Richmond says. “It’s like saying, ‘This just isn’t going to work, but I really do love you.’”

On the other hand, if one person doesn’t want the relationship to end, “they might want to have sex as a way to say, ‘Look how great this is. Are you sure you want to leave this?’” Richmond says. It’s probably no surprise that this is when things can get messy… 

How does breakup sex affect us emotionally?

If one person is still holding onto a relationship while the other is ready to say so long, having breakup sex can actually prolong the emotional rollercoaster for the partner who hasn’t yet moved on, Richmond says. “The question becomes, ‘Am I wanted? Am I not?’” 

Sure, sex might make you feel good temporarily, but when you put your clothes back on and go your separate ways, you’ll probably be more confused than you were before. There’s also a chance you could feel ashamed or even used by your ex, adding onto to the pain. “You might feel good in the moment, but oftentimes, that feeling doesn’t last,” Rachel Needle, PsyD, co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes in Palm Beach, Florida, tells Health. 

Is breakup sex ever a good idea?

For breakups that end in a completely mutual understanding, having sex can be a “beautiful, connected ending,” Richmond says. She explains that in cases where both partners are truly resolved (we know, it sounds too good to be true, but it really does happen!), breakup sex can be a good idea.

The “I want to get you back” kind of sex, however, is not a good idea. Accepting a breakup takes time, and trying to ease the pain with sex will only prolong the process, Richmond says. Breakup sex unfortunately isn’t going to give you the closure you’re craving. Closure comes from putting the relationship behind you and prioritizing yourself. Don’t get us wrong, it’s not easy, but holding onto something that isn’t there will only hold you back.