Oral sex

Oral sex, sometimes referred to as oral intercourse, is sexual activity involving the stimulation of the genitalia of a person by another person using the mouth and the throat. Cunnilingus is oral sex performed on the vulva or vagina, while fellatio is oral sex performed on the penis. Anilingus, another form of oral sex, is oral stimulation of the anus. Oral stimulation of other parts of the body, such as by kissing or licking, is not considered oral sex.

5 Oral Sex Positions That Make It Easy for You to Have an Orgasm

No disrespect to penis-in-vagina intercourse, but penetration is not the easiest route to an orgasm for most women. What move is more likely to lead to an amazing O? Oral sex—receiving it, that is.
Research bears this out. In one 2016 study, nearly 70% of women described receiving oral as "very pleasurable." It's not hard to guess why. The direct clitoral stimulation oral offers is one benefit; a third of women said that they need this kind of touching to reach climax, according to a 2017 study from the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy.

Oral sex also results in extra wetness, and then there's the physical comfort of getting rather than giving. No wonder so many women love it—and why their partners love doing it. “Oral sex involves both indirect and direct clitoral stimulation,” says psychologist Megan Fleming, PhD, a sex therapist and marriage counselor in New York City.

While you might have a go-to position for enjoying oral, trying new poses can trigger more intense sensations and make you feel even sexier and more empowered. Here, Fleming suggests five to add to your bedroom rotation.

Reclining back on the bed
Lying on your back while your partner's head is between your legs is 100% about your pleasure; you can close your eyes and conjure up a fantasy, as well as hold your partner's head to feel more connected (or to steer him exactly where you want his mouth to go).
However, if you’re self-conscious about receiving and feel super exposed, Fleming suggests putting on a blindfold (or a sleep mask) when your partner goes down. “One, it helps you lose yourself more in the experience. Two, when you cut off your sense of sight, it heightens your other senses,” says Fleming. You may find that it feels even more intense, especially as your self-awareness slips away and you get lost in the moment.

Propped up by a pillow
“Good sex and oral sex are all about the angles,” says Fleming. “Certain positions give you more direct clitoral stimulation." Fleming recommends this simple way to switch up the angle and sensation: putting a pillow under your butt. That tilts your pelvis, giving your partner more access to your vulva, clitoris, and vagina. It may even be more comfortable for him too, so he can go on for as long as you want him to.

On all fours
Get into the doggy-style position and hover a few inches above your partner’s face, your legs either spread or tight together. “This allows you to move closer or further away and shift the sense of pressure you may feel from their tongue,” says Fleming. Essentially, you’re more in control. Plus, “it’s a great inner thigh workout, too,” she adds.

Classic 69
This one requires some technique, but the payoff is worth it, and it's thrilling to be able to pleasure your partner while he's pleasing you, says Fleming. The 69 position can be done in several different ways; the trick is to find a specific pose that works for you—such as 69 when you're both on your sides holding each other's legs, or 69 with one partner on top of the other.

Standing against a wall
Standing with your back pressed up against a wall (or standing and gripping a chair for support) can make you feel dominant and empowered, as your partner squats or rests on his knees below you. It can take time to get comfortable with this position, but it'll feel incredible as your partner grips your hips and butt for leverage and is surrounded by the sexiest parts of your body.

Have Great Sex… Even When You Don't Have an Orgasm

Donna Trope

Orgasms are elusive. Most women don't have one every time (or maybe even most times) they hit the sheets. Plenty of surveys—and likely your own bedroom experience—verify that. But that doesn't mean sex without the grand finale is an exercise in futility. Far from it.

In fact, on the occasions when you know you're just not going to climax or when you're just not motivated enough to strive for it, there are ways to simply enjoy the valleys without hitting the peak. Lots of women are discovering that it's smart to appreciate sex for more than just the last 10 seconds. So go ahead, don't get off—and love every minute of it.

Why Orgasms Go MIA
"For me to have an orgasm, I have to be feeling it before foreplay even starts," says Jamie*, 27, a newlywed in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. "I have to put in a lot of effort, and the stars have to align. But I feel satisfied knowing that my husband is satisfied every time." It's a situation that many women can relate to, and one backed by stats. According to research, women in relationships orgasm about 80 percent as often as men in relationships (for women in casual hookup situations, it's closer to 50 percent as often).

Researchers have coined this discrepancy "the orgasm gap" and have determined a few key factors for its existence. You probably don't need science to tell you that climaxing is tougher without clitoral stimulation, but you may not realize that overstimulation or the wrong kind of stimulation of your central nervous system, which controls sexual excitement and inhibition, is an orgasm killer. Stress or a poorly timed "Wait, why is the cat staring at us like that?" observation is all it takes to cause overstimulation—at least for women. (And speaking of stress: "Worrying about whether or not an orgasm will happen can activate your stress response, which can make you feel less turned on," says Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., a sex educator in Massachusetts.) Guys were blessed with evolution-aided blinders that make the cat (or annoying e-mail pings, a weird humming sound, whatever) nonfactors in the moment. "Men had to orgasm for the good of the species," says Laura Berman, Ph.D., author of The Passion Prescription. "That means their brains are primed to tune out all distractions. Women's aren't." (How come evolution is never on our side?)

How to Enjoy the Ride
What isn't reflected in these stats is the enjoyment some women derive just from the experience of having intercourse. "I rarely orgasm, and I don't care," says Jenna, 29, who is single in New York City. "I'm on anti-anxiety medication, and while it has definitely affected my ability to climax, it hasn't affected how much I enjoy sex."

That's not to say you should actively deny yourself an orgasm—that would be like stifling a sneeze, but worse—and if you've never had one and you want to have one, that's something you should discuss with your partner, says Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., author of Because It Feels Good.

But putting mid-act pressure on yourself every time could mean that you're missing out on pleasure in the moment. "Research shows that women can climb between sexual-desire stages, from excitement to plateau to orgasm, then back to excitement," says Berman. Focus too much on the end point and you'll end up brushing past the pleasing plateau. (Although it may sound flat, the plateau is actually when arousal is at its peak and your body is savoring your partner's touch the most—a pretty sweet place to linger.)

Play Close to the Edge
The key to a no-gasm experience that's anything but "eh" is to amp up your arousal early and stay there as long as possible. You'll know when you're there by the text test: If your phone buzzed, you'd be more annoyed by the interruption than curious who it was, says Stephen Snyder, M.D., an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at Mount Sinai School of Medicine. Heed these tips to enter a heightened state.

Don't get undressed. Leaving your clothes on helps take the focus off orgasm and keep it on foreplay. Get to maximum arousal by straddling his leg and grinding your pubic bone against his thigh as you make out, says sex educator Emily Morse, author of Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight. The pressure directly stimulates your clitoris while giving you total control of the rhythm.

Hit the shower. Getting wet and sudsy helps you find erogenous zones you may not have realized you had. Ask your guy to rub down your back and shoulders with a sponge, then have him switch to his bare hands as he moves to your breasts and works his way lower. "The different sensations of the water and the body wash, plus the anticipation of his hands on your skin after the sponge, will all add to your pleasure," says Morse.

Show off. "Part of a woman's pleasure during sex comes from feeling desired," says Snyder. Climb on top of him, lean over the bathroom counter as he enters you from behind, or put on a solo show and touch yourself: Watching him watch you provides an awesome view of how much he wants you.

Rewind. . .and ratchet up. If he has already climaxed, go back to the stuff you love during foreplay, only take it up a notch by adding a toy or playing with hot and cold sensations by having him use ice or warming lube as he touches you. "When you're turned on, your brain is open to new experiences, so situations that might have made you self-conscious when you weren't aroused can be extremely sexy," says Nagoski. If you start getting restless, or if the friction begins to veer more toward "ouch" than "OMG," have him give you a back rub or massage to transition toward ending the action so you don't feel like you stopped abruptly.

Expose yourself. Have sex with the windows open or get it on in the backyard under a blanket. The novelty can make it hard to concentrate on the climax. . .but that's because your brain is paying attention to the we-could-be-caught-at-any-moment thrill, which adds intensity to the encounter, says Morse.

Stop Faking It!
Ironically, it's guys who might end up most frustrated by your no-gasm. Eighty-seven percent of the Men's Health readers who answered our survey felt it was their responsibility to bring their partner to orgasm, and 34 percent automatically assumed that if it didn't happen, the sex was bad.

But don't brush up on your Oscar-worthy Orgasm face just yet. Every single sexologist we asked (three men and four women) were adamantly against faking it. "There's already a lot of confusion about sexual functioning and response between the sexes without adding deceit," says Richard Wagner, Ph.D., a Seattle-based sexologist. And guys agreed—in the poll, 68 percent didn't want you to fake it.

7 Sexualities You Should Know

In our modern world, there are many nuances and complexities when it comes to sexual orientation. Although some identify as gay or straight, others fall somewhere in the middle or completely outside of the spectrum. Who and how we love is complicated, however, there are more people out there with an orientation you may not be familiar with. Take a look at seven sexualities that fall under the LGBTQ+ umbrella in the gallery below, then let us know if you feel represented by one (or more) of these identities in the comments section on social media.

AsexualS

Someone who identifies as asexual experiences little to no sexual attraction to any genders. This is very different than being celibate, as celibacy is a conscious choice and asexuality is an identity many people have for the rest of their lives. Some asexual people do have sex and many engage in long term partnerships. Many asexual people have romantic attractions, as aromantic is an entirely separate sexual orientation.

Bicurious

Someone who identifies as bicurious is interested in having sexual experiences with members of their same sex. People who feel connected to this label may go on to adopt the term bisexual as they become more comfortable with their own identity. For others, they may realize that bisexuality isn’t for them and find themselves as straight allies to the queer community.

Demisexual

Someone who identifies as demisexual only experiences sexual attraction to someone they’ve formed an emotional connection with. For demisexual people, relationships are often formed through friendships and they feel sexual attraction based on the bonds they form with others. The romantic parallel to demisexual is demiromantic, an orientation where people only experience romantic attraction to someone they’ve formed an emotional connection with.

Fluid

Someone who identifies as sexuality fluid experiences shifts in their sexuality over time or depending on the situation. Fluid can be a great label for people who don’t feel represented by the traditional straight, gay or bisexual labels, as it’s tailored to the individual. Many people identify with gender fluidity as well, which means their gender identity changes over time.

Pansexual

Someone who identifies as pansexual experiences sexual attraction to people regardless of their gender, sex or sexuality. Pansexuality and bisexuality are often used interchangeably, especially as more bisexual communities have expanded the label to include those outside the binary. In fact, just last week Merriam-Webster updated the definition of bisexual to “of, relating to, or characterized by sexual or romantic attraction to people of one’s same sex and of the opposite sex” or “of, relating to, or characterized by sexual or romantic attraction to people of one’s own gender identity and of other gender identities.”

Queer

Someone who identifies as queer isn’t exclusively heterosexual. This is the label for people who don’t like labels, as it’s more based on an individual’s personal experiences and preferences. Queer was once used as a derogatory slur toward LGBT people, but it’s since been reclaimed by the community.

Sapiosexual

Someone who identifies as sapiosexual is attracted to a partner’s intellect over anything else. Although intelligence is a priority in most relationships, it’s number one for sapiosexuals. When it comes to sapiosexuality, it’s important to acknowledge that it’s intellect itself they find stimulating, not the status, fame or fortune that can come with it.

10 Ways to Naturally Increase Your Sex DriveMikolette

When your sex drive decreases, it’s easy to get freaked out. But the great news is that there are plenty of things you can do to naturally boost your sex drive. Better yet, you can do so without having to turn to supplements or weird “tricks.”

In my online sex therapy courses, I use what I call the Five Foundations model (Physical, Mental, Emotional, Sensual, and Relational) to help you evaluate your sex drive. All of these categories play huge roles in your sex drive. All of them touch on key issues in your life beyond the bedroom that can nevertheless affect your sex drive.

Here are 10 ways to increase your sex drive naturally.

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Exercise Regularly
Physical activity has been scientifically proven to increase your self-confidence, improve your body image, and rev up your sex drive. I know it can be challenging to start a regular exercise regimen, but what better motivation than increasing your libido? Aim for about an hourlong workout, three to five days per week. (And if you’re not already working out, even about 30 minutes a day will translate to results.)

Be careful not to overdo it though! In particular, an excessive amount of exercise can actually decrease your sex drive. High-intensity training for over an hour—like long runs—five or more times a week could have a negative impact on your sex drive, research suggests.

Get More Sleep
So many people get competitive about their sleep, claiming that they can function on just a few hours a night. Unfortunately for those people, sleep plays a huge role in your sex drive.

I always say that sex drive is a luxury for the body. If your body barely has the resources to function, it’s not going to divert any of those resources towards feeling desire. Aim to get seven to eight hours per night. Yes, seven to eight!

Decrease Stress
When you’re stressed, your body creates the hormone cortisol. Cortisol effectively decreases the amount of testosterone in the body, and as you probably know, testosterone is one of the most important hormones for male desire. It’s a direct relationship—the less testosterone you have, the less likely you are to feel desire.

Plus, stress puts your body in “fight or flight” mode. Excess stress triggers that “under attack” instinct, as your body’s nervous system tries to determine whether to stay and fight, or move fast to get out of trouble.

There’s no biological reason you should be feeling desire when your body thinks it’s under attack—so yes, stress will hurt your sex drive. There are lots of ways to decrease your stress levels, including exercise, getting more sleep, and mindfulness and meditation.

Evaluate Your Diet
People always ask me what supplements they should take to increase their sex drive. I think that’s the wrong question to ask. Your diet plays a much more fundamental role in changing your sex drive. You can’t eat Taco Bell every day, pop a few supplement pills, and expect to have the libido of a 16-year-old.
Entire books have been written about libido-boosting diets, but here are the simple rules I share with my clients:

Eat foods as close to their natural state as possible, as often as possible. (Limit processed foods.)
Eat whole-grain carbs. Minimize white carbs like white flour, white rice, and white potatoes.
Eat more veggies.
Eat less meat.
Drink plenty of water.
Don’t drink soda. (Even diet soda.)

Tackle Performance Issues
Performance issues are one of the most surprising causes of low libido. The men I work with rarely make the connection. It can be a vicious cycle: If you’re having troubles with your erection or your orgasmic timing, the stress and anxiety you may feel over that sexual performance can tank your sex drive. You may feel so self-conscious about not being able to perform that you may start avoiding sex altogether.

My suggestion: If you work with a sex therapist or an online course to conquer your performance issues, your libido will come roaring back, too.

Masturbate
A lot of men erroneously believe that masturbation will deplete your sex drive. The truth is, masturbation can help you feel even more desire. Of course, you don’t want to overdo it, but regular masturbation can help you feel more in touch with your desire. The more pleasure you experience, the more you’re naturally going to keep wanting that pleasure. If you feel that ejaculation decreases your energy or desire, try masturbating but not allowing yourself to orgasm. It can be a thrilling change of pace.

Exercise Your PC Muscles
Your PC muscles are one of the easiest ways to increase your sex drive. They are located in your pelvis, and drape from your pubic bone to your tailbone like a hammock. Exercising these muscles naturally helps you develop a better connection to your body, and think about your penis on a more regular basis. The exercises also help bring more blood flow to your genitals, which can also help increase your sex drive. PC exercise can even decrease performance issues. Try doing a set of 10 quick pulses and 20 longer holds.

Address Relationship Problems
Most of the men I work with expect their sex drives to function independently from everything else going on in their lives. As you’ve probably already guessed, that’s simply not how it works. Tons of different factors affect your sex drive, including what’s going on in your relationship (if you’re in one).

If you and your partner have been arguing or have unresolved issues, your sex drive is going to be negatively impacted. Addressing relationship issues can be as simple as having more communication, or as complex as starting couples counseling. Remember: While it may be awkward in the short term, better communication is key to healthy long-term relationships.

Make the Time for Sex
This is another suggestion that most people don’t ever think about! If you don’t have the time in your busy day to even have sex in the first place, your body likely won’t desire it. Fortunately, it can be really fun to work together with your partnerto create more space in your lives for intimacy.

Have Better Sex
So few people make the connection between the desire for sex and the quality of the sex you do have. If you’re not having great sex, it doesn’t make much sense to crave it! If your sex drive feels low, ask yourself, “Do I have crave-able sex?” If it doesn’t, then you have some really fun homework ahead of you!

9 THINGS THE MOVIES GET WRONG ABOUT SEX

No Communication
In most movies, people rarely talk during sex. While there’s plenty of over-the-top grunting and moaning, there’s never any discussion of birth control, STI prevention, boundaries, or desires, and not even any verbalized sexual requests or feedback. Many movie sex scenes also lack non-verbal communication; no subtly guiding a partner’s hand to the right place or breathing a little heavier when that hand reaches the right place.

In reality, communication is essential to great sex. You and your partner should be communicating throughout your encounter. Talking during sex doesn’t need to be clunky or embarrassing; telling your partner exactly what you want them to do to you can be unbelievably hot.

Questionable Consent
Movies often show scenes of men luring women into having sex in borderline creepy ways, or having sex with women who aren’t in the right state to give consent. Even worse, these kinds of situations often appear in comedy movies where the awkward sexual encounter is meant to be a joke. But there’s really nothing funny about violating another person’s boundaries.

In the real world, I encourage my clients to follow enthusiastic consent. Not only do you both agree to experiment, you’re both excited about it. Other consent guidelines to note: A lack of a “no” isn’t a “yes,” and consent can be revoked at any time.

No Condoms, No Lube
It’s absurd how rare it is to see a condom in a movie. Is it really that hard to show them? It’s even more rare to see lube. I can’t actually think of a single instance of lube being used during a movie sex scene. But the truth is that both items should be mainstays on a single man’s bedside table.

In a perfect world, there would be no STIs or worry of unwanted pregnancies and women would be able to get wet at exactly the right moment, but that’s not the world we live in. Get some condoms and lube.

No Foreplay Necessary
Sex in the movies is usually shown as a few minutes of passionate making out followed by an immediate leap into intercourse. There’s almost never any foreplay, and when there is, it’s very limited.

Quickies can definitely be a lot of fun, but consistently skipping over foreplay is a bad idea. Most people need foreplay in order to relax and fully get into the mood. Many people can’t go straight to intercourse without properly warming up and getting the proverbial (and literal) juices flowing first. Skipping foreplay makes it less likely that you’ll experience performance issues and more likely that she’ll orgasm. Plus, foreplay is sexy and pleasurable. It shouldn’t be considered a chore.

Women Always Orgasm from Intercourse
In the movies, women need just a few seconds of thrusting in order to have explosive orgasms. Women are even shown having their very first orgasms ever simply from penetration.

The truth is that the vast majority of women need clitoral stimulation in order to reach orgasm. Intercourse feels good, but it just doesn’t create the clitoral stimulation that a woman needs to reach her peak. If you want to help her orgasm, you’re more likely to get her there with your fingers, tongue, a toy, or by watching her touch herself in front of you. Plus, it’s not that hard to give her clitoral stimulation during intercourse. 

Simultaneous Orgasms, Every Time
You know the scene: The couple locks eyes in one fiery moment of passion. Their eyes roll to the backs of their heads and they moan in unison. They have their orgasms at the exact same second, then flop back onto the bed (without any cleanup) in ecstatic satisfaction.

In my practice, I encourage my clients not to aim for simultaneous orgasms. They can be really fun when they happen, but it’s not worth consistently making an effort to come at the same time. Trying to force simultaneous orgasms usually just ends up with one person frantically trying to slow down their orgasm, one person frantically trying to speed up their orgasm, and neither person feeling particularly satisfied.

A Poor Understanding of Kink
It’s bad enough seeing all the mistakes they make with vanilla sex in the movies, but kinky scenes are especially cringeworthy. Screenplay writers just don’t seem to have an understanding of kinky sex, nor have they bothered to consult with kink experts. Couples are shown casually engaging in kink and BDSM without any idea of what they’re doing or anything kinky is overblown into something that’s dirty and wrong. Not only is it inaccurate, it could even be dangerous.

In the real world, kink can be incredibly sexy, but it’s important to do it in an informed and responsible way. If you’re using props or tools, you need to understand how to safely use those items. If you’re playing with domination and submission, you need to have conversations about boundaries and pick a safeword. If you’re doing any sort of pain play, you have to take safety precautions. Even seemingly simple things like choking a partner or pulling their hair have a technique behind them.

Shower Sex Always Works
This is a relatively minor one, but it has always been a pet peeve. In the movies, the hottest sex seems to happen in the shower. No one ever slips or falls, bringing the shower curtain down with them. No lube is ever needed. The couple is always the perfect height match so that penetration can happen. Soap never gets in anyone’s eyes. No one ever feels like they’re being waterboarded.

In reality, all of the above actually happen during shower sex. It can be a lot of fun, but there’s also a lot that can go wrong. Pro tip: I recommend fooling around in the shower, but getting out and moving to the bed when you’re ready to have sex.

How many types of orgasm can women really have?

The elusive female orgasm has been the subject of much scientific debate over the last century.  Some researchers have argued that women can have two types of orgasms through external clitoral stimulation and vaginal penetration, while others believe both orgasms are the same type accessed through different parts of the female anatomy.
In a bid to settle the dispute once and for all, a recent study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine claims to have solved this age-old scientific mystery, revealing that there are indeed two types of female orgasms … well kind of.
Two French gynecologists carried out ultrasound scans on three “healthy volunteers” by measuring variations in their blood flow patterns to decipher just how their sexual organs moved during different types of sex.
These women were asked to arouse themselves through manual self-stimulation of the external clitoris and through vaginal penetration using a wet tampon. Say what? Both examinations measured the changes in blood flow patterns in the area to ascertain just how the clitoris and vaginal complex responded.
The outcome? The study discovered there is a “functional difference” in orgasms depending on the type of sexual contact.  Specifically, researchers found that only the top of the clitoris responds to external stimulation, while during vaginal penetration both the “root” of the clitoris and the whole clitoral and vaginal complex respond. This affected the flow of blood and therefore produced different sensations in the body.
The study concluded: “Despite a common assumption that there is only one type of female orgasm, we may infer, on the basis of our findings, that the different reported perceptions from these two types of stimulation can be explained by the different parts of the clitoris (external and internal) and clitorourethrovaginal complex [the system of clitoral nerves] that are involved.”
In other words, as Jezebel explains, both types of orgasms are clitoral, but the parts of the clitoris that respond are different depending on the type of stimulation.
Such findings semi-align with Sigmund Freud’s two-orgasm concept devised in 1905 in which he argued women experience both clitoral and vaginal orgasms.  Only Freud’s somewhat skewed theory claimed that the clitoral orgasm was a childish prelude to the “mature” vaginal sexual response.
That theory was of course refuted by Dr. Alfred Kinsey in the ‘50s after his research showed that the vast majority of women did not have vaginal orgasms at all, only clitoral, concluding that the insistence on a vaginal orgasm was an expression of male dominance and could not be taken as the sole criterion to determine female sexual satisfaction.

Similarly, feminist Anna Koedt echoed Kinsey’s sentiment in her monumental book “The Myth of the Vaginal Orgasm” in the 1970s in which she argued the vagina is not designed as a pleasure center and therefore “attributions of frigidity based on not reaching vaginal climax are merely a construction of patriarchal masculinity … The location of women’s pleasure in the vagina, rather than the clitoris, is an expression of the way in which sex has been organized solely in the interests of men."
Further research into female sexuality over the years proved controversial.  Notable sexologists Masters and Johnson copped flak for attributing female psychological aspects such as anxiety, poor communication and low self-esteem to the inability of women to reach orgasm through intercourse.  Their findings were criticized on the basis that the volunteers used in the study were sex workers who arguably had more sexual experience and confidence than the average Jane Doe.
Fast-forward to the present day where research concludes that only a third of women are actually able to have an orgasm through sexual intercourse.  In fact, a study last month claimed there is actually no such thing as the “G-spot”, only a “C-spot,” finding that when it comes to clitoral orgasms, size really does matter.  It seems women who have trouble reaching orgasm tend to have a smaller clitoris located further away from the vagina, suggesting that size and location of the clitoris are just as important as psychological and “psychosocial issues” in assessing women’s sexual function.
Interestingly, the study found that sex positions also play a role in orgasm.  Study researcher, Dr. Susan Oakley explained that those who suffered from an inability to orgasm through intercourse preferred the missionary position, whereas women who were able to climax through sex favored being on top.  This of course, supports the latest premise that the clitoris is responsible for climax.
Still, given the lack of scientific consensus and the fact each woman’s physiology varies from female to female, it’s difficult to know which study to believe.  If we take the latest French findings that women can have at least two different types of orgasms as truth, what’s to say there isn’t at least three, or four, or fifty different forms of orgasms just waiting to be uncovered?
Certainly, there are proponents out there that argue women can have up to four types of orgasms including blended orgasms and multiple orgasms, as well as those who have dissected the female orgasm into at least 11 different forms such as mental orgasm, oral orgasm, U-spot orgasm and squirting orgasms to name a few.
Then again, if we weigh in on the latest French study, the peculiar methodology used to assess vaginal orgasms certainly raises some eyebrows, particularly as the volunteers – only three in total – were strangely asked to penetrate themselves with tampons, an unlikely sexual stimulant.  A vibrator or dildo, which seems the more obvious and appropriate choice, may have yielded a more accurate or entirely different result.
At the end of the day, there is clearly no right way to have an orgasm.  Whether it is a vaginal or clitoral orgasm a woman is having, her body will ultimately physically react in the exact same way: evidenced by an increase in heart rate, blood pressure and breathing coupled with mounting tension in her pelvic region released upon climax, Medical Daily reports.  From a practical point of view, these similar bodily reactions make it difficult for a woman (or her partner) to accurately ascertain just where those sweet sensations are coming from.
Consequently, as science continues to grapple over women’s sexual physiology to find a one-size-fits-all "Big O" formula, perhaps it’s better to go with whatever floats your boat individually, rather than getting caught up in where your elusive orgasm heralds from or what conflicting, dubious scientific research has to say on the matter.

How to Have Multiple Orgasms

You've heard whispers and rumors, but actually having multiple orgasms? Well, that sounds as achievable as making it to a 6 a.m. cycling class on a Saturday.
Good news: Sexperts are here to reassure you that multiple orgasms really do exist and—even better—that everyone can have them.

How many orgasms can you actually have?
The limit does not exist. "I had a client who would regularly have 30 to 40 orgasms in a session with her partner. She may be the extreme but having one to five is totally normal and doable for any woman," says Kim Anami, holistic sex and relationship expert.
Obviously, you don't need convincing as to how great an orgasm is, but there are actually benefits beyond just pleasure. (And, that being said, there are a ton of health benefits of sex even if you don't O.) "Touch, pleasure, and orgasms all have a host of health benefits, including boosting your immune system, regulating sleep cycles, alleviating anxiety and depression, and creating emotional well-being," says Chris Rose, sex educator at PleasureMechanics.com. Plus, the more pleasure you feel, the more adept your body becomes at releasing the pleasure hormones, so it becomes a positive feedback loop, she says. In addition to the chemical and hormonal benefits, orgasms can also lead to greater degrees of emotional release and openness. (Related: Your Brain On an Orgasm)
And if one orgasm is healthy, imagine how much better off you'd be with two or more!
So, the question on all of our minds is: How can you have multiple orgasms?! "Many women don't allow themselves to get fully aroused, and arousal is what fuels multiple orgasms," explains Rose. This is a long road, and one you might not reach the end of on the first try, but Rose and Anami have a pretty thorough guide to help you get there. To achieve maximum arousal and multiple orgasms, follow these seven steps:
Your Step-by-Step Guide to Having Multiple Orgasms
1. Check your emotions.
Building arousal and experiencing multiple orgasms in one go is definitely about physical technique (don't worry, that's coming up), but the first step is setting your thoughts and emotions straight. "Becoming a multiorgasmic woman is a mindset more than anything," says Rose. (And avoid these five common libido-crushers.)
It's as easy as believing it's possible for you personally to climax more than once, says Anami. Next is learning to relax: "Deeper orgasms are all about a very intense state of release, so you have to be willing to dive into the unknown and let go," Anami adds. Once your attitude starts to shift, two or more orgasms may well become your new normal, says Rose. (If you're having trouble just getting to one, read about the real reason you can't orgasm during sex.)
2. Slow them down.

This is important if you're with a male partner. (If you have a female partner, you might not have to worry about this one.) "Male stamina is crucial in women being able to reach higher states of pleasure and orgasm more," says Anami. In fact, the average man takes anywhere from three to seven minutes to climax, while the average woman requires anywhere from 10 to 20—a discrepancy researchers call "the arousal gap." How do you close that time frame? Female-focused foreplay is one of the best techniques because it allows you to start down the excitement path earlier than him, which leads to…
3. Let them lavish you with pleasure.
Your partner wants nothing more than to see you orgasm once or twice (don't worry, if it's a guy, he'll catch up!). "Most lovers are generous and willing and take pleasure in seeing their partner enjoy more than one orgasm—but many women have a hard time receiving so much attention and letting the erotic focus be on their own pleasure," says Rose. If you want to experience the thrills (re: multiple orgasms), give yourself permission to be the star of the sexual experience. If you have any worries like "I'm taking too long" or "They must be getting bored down there," then no amount of great stimulation will help. (Learn how to have an amazing orgasm by eliminating distraction.)
4. Help them with the handy work.
"For most women, your partner's hands and mouth are the best tools for helping you peak, so make sure they know how to use them," says Rose. Show them exactly how you like to be touched—and then let them explore. (If you aren't quite sure, it's time for some solo exploration: Follow these tips for a mind-blowing masturbation session.) "A lot of women love the combination of oral sex with a few fingers inside. This works for a good reason, as this combination allows stimulation of both the external clitoris and its internal roots," Rose suggests. Move their hands to where you touch yourself, and give them audible feedback on what is working for you—right up until you reach your first peak.
5. Take a breath.
"After your first orgasm, take a moment or two to savor the afterglow before you start building arousal back up again. Your next orgasm might be mere minutes away," says Rose. Focus on your breathing to maximize the effects of your multiple-orgasm experience: "When people get sexually excited, they tend to hold the breath or breathe really shallow," says Anami. "The more you can practice deep, steady breathing, you'll relax, stay in the present moment, and also increase the power and pleasure of your orgasm." (Try practicing mindful masturbation to get the hang of staying present.)
6. Turn to orgasmic intercourse.
If you're moving on to penetrative sex, keep up the clitoral stimulation, Rose suggests. The majority of women worldwide don't orgasm from penetrative sex alone, but instead can only climax from clitoral stimulation, reports a study in the journal Clinical Anatomy. "For most women, this is how they can get to full (and multiple) orgasms during intercourse," she adds. (Start here: Make use of these best sex positions for clitoral stimulation and how to get more pleasure out of common sex positions.)
7. Keep the connection.
The deeper vaginal orgasms are all about a very deep state of release and letting go. Feeling like you're on the same wavelength as your partner can help you achieve an intensely satisfying multiple-orgasm session. "Maintaining eye contact is intense, but this forces you to be more vulnerable and open, which is key to these deeper orgasmic experiences," says Anami.
And once you reach your second orgasm, the doors are wide open: "If you can have two, you can have three, four, or more! There is no limit on how many orgasms a woman can experience," says Rose. If it doesn't happen the first time, don't worry—practicing having multiple orgasms is something you and your partner can both enjoy. (Once you've nailed it, try climaxing with your parter at the same time.)

How to Get in Touch with YOUR FEMININE ENERGY

How does a modern woman cultivate feminine energy? What does that even mean? There is no definitive guide for how much of the feminine to embrace, or in what contexts it can best serve you. The whole idea of feminine energy can sound a little woo-woo to some women, while others embrace this construct freely. Notions of masculine and feminine energy can get pretty convoluted, even among professionals. Looking at it from a blend of various lenses, such as psychology, sociology, energy work, and neurology, can perhaps shed some light on what exactly it is, and how you can cultivate it in your life.

Defining Masculine and Feminine Energy

How the masculine and feminine are labeled and discussed seems to be similar across domains, but the motive and acceptance of those terms vary. Masculine energy, sometimes referred to as “yang,” often refers to a mindset, characteristics, and patterns of behavior that are active and action-oriented. Feminine energy, or “yin,” denotes a disposition rooted in stillness. Held in concert, this polarity of masculine and feminine represents a balance of activity and stillness.
Masculine characteristics
 Action-oriented (active)
 Giving
 Organizational
 Systemizing
 Analytical
 Thinking
 Singularly focused
 Aggressive
 Individualistic
 Challenging
 Rigid
Feminine characteristics
 Stillness (passive)
 Receiving
 Spontaneous
 Fluid
 Empathic
 Feeling
 Multitasking
 Nurturing
 Collective
 Accepting
 Flexible
Many people in contemporary society reject the labels of masculine and feminine, believing they are outdated and sexist, while others cling to binary gender roles as a blueprint for life. Certainly the labels of masculine and feminine can lead to dicey pairings with gender roles, which is not necessarily what these different groupings of energy or characteristics were created to delineate.
Whether someone has more masculine or feminine traits is not necessarily tied to their gender, and here is where it can get confusing. Every person needs to possess some aspect of both masculine and feminine energy. Think about it. If you were always passive, you would never even get out of bed, let alone send back an overcooked meal at a restaurant or set boundaries with an overbearing coworker. The simple act of standing up to hustle for your morning coffee is considered masculine by these definitions. Men and women, and everyone along the gender continuum, exhibit traits that are outlined as masculine or feminine, regardless of their brain sex or body sex.

Nature versus Nurture

Biology plays a role, but social conditioning has a lot to do with how we learn to express our genetic potential. According to this study, every human starts as a female, and those who develop into men generally do so because they are introduced to a Y chromosome, and the levels of testosterone that follow allow for the expression of male biology. So basically, the penis is an overgrown clitoris, and all humans have the capacity for personality traits that have been labeled societally as male or female characteristics. But over time, how they are socialized and inherent biological dispositions in their temperament lead to one side or the other becoming more dominant.
Some people’s dominance is slight, while others are more exaggerated. Consider the person whose presence is so big, you feel it even before they swagger into the room. Confidence, dominance, and an altogether alpha attitude go with what may be considered hypermasculine energy, but that can exist in people regardless of their biological gender. On the flip side, the hyperfeminine might be better portrayed by the quiet, passive, receptive, and softer personality—someone who does not stir up trouble or make waves, but instead sits back and observes, empathizes, and accepts. The very same person can exhibit these wildly opposite traits, if they’ve learned how to access them.
Other than knowing that fun fact about penises, you might be wondering how this relates to feminine energy. First, if you are someone who hears over and over again that you’re not feminine enough, or you scare men away, or you’re too intimidating, a reality check is required. Whatever is your norm is perfectly OK, and you do not need to change (i.e., adopt any more feminine traits) in order to be a worthy human or a worthy woman. If you do feel out of sync with your own sense of femininity or feminine energy, then perhaps a deeper exploration is warranted. Cultivating your feminine energy is about recognizing when you’re out of balance and working to realign with your ideal set point.

Cultivating Feminine Energy

When women talk about harnessing their feminine energy, a few thoughts come to mind. The primary things to consider are identity and motive. The manner in which any woman sees herself is essential to understanding how she navigates her organic masculine and feminine sides. It is imperative to ask yourself why you want to challenge your current expression. Reconsider any changes you wish to make in your expression of masculine or feminine—such as if you feel pressured to do so from family, social or professional groups, or an absence of dating prospects. Only make changes if they feel aligned with your own values. Continuing to contort yourself into the box of what you believe is expected of you as a woman is a surefire way to bring on distress, anxiety, depression, and self-betrayal.
If you take your own inventory and decide you are not as balanced as you’d like, here are a few tips to get your feminine side a-flowing.
1. Slow down. If your pace is always something close to turbo speed, consider taking a pause. Chronic busy-ness plagues our culture, as a means of getting ahead and also a way of staying distracted from feelings that are uncomfortable, like vulnerability. Yes, you guessed it. Getting in touch with your feminine side requires you to be more adept at navigating vulnerability. The fallacy is that this a sign of weakness, but the practice of accepting the risks inherent in vulnerability requires Olympian strength. Withstanding the wind is a trait assigned to the feminine, because staying put is often perceived as weak, but stillness in discomfort requires an endurance that fight or flight just cannot sustain.
2. Examine your defenses and unmet needs in life. Often, when someone is operating in survival mode, they tend to function with less patience and more impulsivity. Being quick to act may keep you safe from a lunging tiger, a speeding Mercedes, or that f*ck boy at the end of the bar, but it is the antithesis to openness, receptivity, and the kind of stillness needed to accept, nurture, and blossom. Learning about your unmet needs (i.e., all the needs that keep you stuck in the same patterns over and over again) can set you free from them. Easier said than done, but knowing how to meet your needs (either for yourself or through amazing people you trust to let in) can leave you feeling more steady, secure, and able to rest from a constant state of survival-based activities. Flowers don’t bloom in a wildfire, and people can’t holistically thrive when they are doing their best just to survive.
3. Practice the art of saying thank you. Gratitude is the practice of accepting what is available and cherishing it as abundance. This simple shift in your mind can activate neuropathway development that guides you toward positivity, another subtlety of the feminine. This is not to say settle, or accept mistreatment, but allowing for compliments to land (without explaining them away) or for lemonade to be made from life’s lemons can shift your mindset into one that can be calm, content, and soft—all of which allow for deep connection and presence within yourself and those around you.
4. Aim for balance. Cherish your masculine parts and traits just as much as you might the feminine. In order for calm to set in, the body must first know what it means to be in action. The same is true in reverse. The tension between activity and stillness is necessary for the survival of any living being, so even if you tend to possess more masculine traits, that’s okay. Own them. Cherish them too. Self-loathing is not possible when you accept and love all of your parts. Self-love will allow for more organic expression of your fullest range of traits.
5. Check your biases. Do you bristle any time someone uses the language feminine? For some women, a level of internalized sexism or misogyny has made it challenging for them to accept and develop those parts of themselves that may have led them to feel vulnerable, unworthy, targeted, or broken. Examine how you feel about gender, the messages you received about it, and how that may shape your willingness to allow a little more tenderness into your psyche and social presence.
6. Be tender with yourself and others. Even Otis Redding knew the importance of getting in touch with his feminine side when he crooned the 1967 hit “Try a Little Tenderness.” Implicit in the lyrics is the message that sometimes you have to have a place to land, and it is much easier to land on a bed of soft attunement than one of harsh conditions. Show yourself, and those around you, some empathy, especially when it feels hard. That does not mean allowing yourself to be treated poorly, but compassion can exist without condoning. Give yourself a break, and a little extra tenderness, and let the stillness set in.
Above all, remember this: The goal is to strike a balance between right and left brain, active and passive, and the masculine and feminine. These traits are two sides of the same coin, not mutually exclusive entities. The key is to give yourself permission to get to know all of your various dimensions and let them be seen fully.