How many types of orgasm can women really have?

The elusive female orgasm has been the subject of much scientific debate over the last century.  Some researchers have argued that women can have two types of orgasms through external clitoral stimulation and vaginal penetration, while others believe both orgasms are the same type accessed through different parts of the female anatomy.
In a bid to settle the dispute once and for all, a recent study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine claims to have solved this age-old scientific mystery, revealing that there are indeed two types of female orgasms … well kind of.
Two French gynecologists carried out ultrasound scans on three “healthy volunteers” by measuring variations in their blood flow patterns to decipher just how their sexual organs moved during different types of sex.
These women were asked to arouse themselves through manual self-stimulation of the external clitoris and through vaginal penetration using a wet tampon. Say what? Both examinations measured the changes in blood flow patterns in the area to ascertain just how the clitoris and vaginal complex responded.
The outcome? The study discovered there is a “functional difference” in orgasms depending on the type of sexual contact.  Specifically, researchers found that only the top of the clitoris responds to external stimulation, while during vaginal penetration both the “root” of the clitoris and the whole clitoral and vaginal complex respond. This affected the flow of blood and therefore produced different sensations in the body.
The study concluded: “Despite a common assumption that there is only one type of female orgasm, we may infer, on the basis of our findings, that the different reported perceptions from these two types of stimulation can be explained by the different parts of the clitoris (external and internal) and clitorourethrovaginal complex [the system of clitoral nerves] that are involved.”
In other words, as Jezebel explains, both types of orgasms are clitoral, but the parts of the clitoris that respond are different depending on the type of stimulation.
Such findings semi-align with Sigmund Freud’s two-orgasm concept devised in 1905 in which he argued women experience both clitoral and vaginal orgasms.  Only Freud’s somewhat skewed theory claimed that the clitoral orgasm was a childish prelude to the “mature” vaginal sexual response.
That theory was of course refuted by Dr. Alfred Kinsey in the ‘50s after his research showed that the vast majority of women did not have vaginal orgasms at all, only clitoral, concluding that the insistence on a vaginal orgasm was an expression of male dominance and could not be taken as the sole criterion to determine female sexual satisfaction.

Similarly, feminist Anna Koedt echoed Kinsey’s sentiment in her monumental book “The Myth of the Vaginal Orgasm” in the 1970s in which she argued the vagina is not designed as a pleasure center and therefore “attributions of frigidity based on not reaching vaginal climax are merely a construction of patriarchal masculinity … The location of women’s pleasure in the vagina, rather than the clitoris, is an expression of the way in which sex has been organized solely in the interests of men."
Further research into female sexuality over the years proved controversial.  Notable sexologists Masters and Johnson copped flak for attributing female psychological aspects such as anxiety, poor communication and low self-esteem to the inability of women to reach orgasm through intercourse.  Their findings were criticized on the basis that the volunteers used in the study were sex workers who arguably had more sexual experience and confidence than the average Jane Doe.
Fast-forward to the present day where research concludes that only a third of women are actually able to have an orgasm through sexual intercourse.  In fact, a study last month claimed there is actually no such thing as the “G-spot”, only a “C-spot,” finding that when it comes to clitoral orgasms, size really does matter.  It seems women who have trouble reaching orgasm tend to have a smaller clitoris located further away from the vagina, suggesting that size and location of the clitoris are just as important as psychological and “psychosocial issues” in assessing women’s sexual function.
Interestingly, the study found that sex positions also play a role in orgasm.  Study researcher, Dr. Susan Oakley explained that those who suffered from an inability to orgasm through intercourse preferred the missionary position, whereas women who were able to climax through sex favored being on top.  This of course, supports the latest premise that the clitoris is responsible for climax.
Still, given the lack of scientific consensus and the fact each woman’s physiology varies from female to female, it’s difficult to know which study to believe.  If we take the latest French findings that women can have at least two different types of orgasms as truth, what’s to say there isn’t at least three, or four, or fifty different forms of orgasms just waiting to be uncovered?
Certainly, there are proponents out there that argue women can have up to four types of orgasms including blended orgasms and multiple orgasms, as well as those who have dissected the female orgasm into at least 11 different forms such as mental orgasm, oral orgasm, U-spot orgasm and squirting orgasms to name a few.
Then again, if we weigh in on the latest French study, the peculiar methodology used to assess vaginal orgasms certainly raises some eyebrows, particularly as the volunteers – only three in total – were strangely asked to penetrate themselves with tampons, an unlikely sexual stimulant.  A vibrator or dildo, which seems the more obvious and appropriate choice, may have yielded a more accurate or entirely different result.
At the end of the day, there is clearly no right way to have an orgasm.  Whether it is a vaginal or clitoral orgasm a woman is having, her body will ultimately physically react in the exact same way: evidenced by an increase in heart rate, blood pressure and breathing coupled with mounting tension in her pelvic region released upon climax, Medical Daily reports.  From a practical point of view, these similar bodily reactions make it difficult for a woman (or her partner) to accurately ascertain just where those sweet sensations are coming from.
Consequently, as science continues to grapple over women’s sexual physiology to find a one-size-fits-all "Big O" formula, perhaps it’s better to go with whatever floats your boat individually, rather than getting caught up in where your elusive orgasm heralds from or what conflicting, dubious scientific research has to say on the matter.

How to Have Multiple Orgasms

You've heard whispers and rumors, but actually having multiple orgasms? Well, that sounds as achievable as making it to a 6 a.m. cycling class on a Saturday.
Good news: Sexperts are here to reassure you that multiple orgasms really do exist and—even better—that everyone can have them.

How many orgasms can you actually have?
The limit does not exist. "I had a client who would regularly have 30 to 40 orgasms in a session with her partner. She may be the extreme but having one to five is totally normal and doable for any woman," says Kim Anami, holistic sex and relationship expert.
Obviously, you don't need convincing as to how great an orgasm is, but there are actually benefits beyond just pleasure. (And, that being said, there are a ton of health benefits of sex even if you don't O.) "Touch, pleasure, and orgasms all have a host of health benefits, including boosting your immune system, regulating sleep cycles, alleviating anxiety and depression, and creating emotional well-being," says Chris Rose, sex educator at PleasureMechanics.com. Plus, the more pleasure you feel, the more adept your body becomes at releasing the pleasure hormones, so it becomes a positive feedback loop, she says. In addition to the chemical and hormonal benefits, orgasms can also lead to greater degrees of emotional release and openness. (Related: Your Brain On an Orgasm)
And if one orgasm is healthy, imagine how much better off you'd be with two or more!
So, the question on all of our minds is: How can you have multiple orgasms?! "Many women don't allow themselves to get fully aroused, and arousal is what fuels multiple orgasms," explains Rose. This is a long road, and one you might not reach the end of on the first try, but Rose and Anami have a pretty thorough guide to help you get there. To achieve maximum arousal and multiple orgasms, follow these seven steps:
Your Step-by-Step Guide to Having Multiple Orgasms
1. Check your emotions.
Building arousal and experiencing multiple orgasms in one go is definitely about physical technique (don't worry, that's coming up), but the first step is setting your thoughts and emotions straight. "Becoming a multiorgasmic woman is a mindset more than anything," says Rose. (And avoid these five common libido-crushers.)
It's as easy as believing it's possible for you personally to climax more than once, says Anami. Next is learning to relax: "Deeper orgasms are all about a very intense state of release, so you have to be willing to dive into the unknown and let go," Anami adds. Once your attitude starts to shift, two or more orgasms may well become your new normal, says Rose. (If you're having trouble just getting to one, read about the real reason you can't orgasm during sex.)
2. Slow them down.

This is important if you're with a male partner. (If you have a female partner, you might not have to worry about this one.) "Male stamina is crucial in women being able to reach higher states of pleasure and orgasm more," says Anami. In fact, the average man takes anywhere from three to seven minutes to climax, while the average woman requires anywhere from 10 to 20—a discrepancy researchers call "the arousal gap." How do you close that time frame? Female-focused foreplay is one of the best techniques because it allows you to start down the excitement path earlier than him, which leads to…
3. Let them lavish you with pleasure.
Your partner wants nothing more than to see you orgasm once or twice (don't worry, if it's a guy, he'll catch up!). "Most lovers are generous and willing and take pleasure in seeing their partner enjoy more than one orgasm—but many women have a hard time receiving so much attention and letting the erotic focus be on their own pleasure," says Rose. If you want to experience the thrills (re: multiple orgasms), give yourself permission to be the star of the sexual experience. If you have any worries like "I'm taking too long" or "They must be getting bored down there," then no amount of great stimulation will help. (Learn how to have an amazing orgasm by eliminating distraction.)
4. Help them with the handy work.
"For most women, your partner's hands and mouth are the best tools for helping you peak, so make sure they know how to use them," says Rose. Show them exactly how you like to be touched—and then let them explore. (If you aren't quite sure, it's time for some solo exploration: Follow these tips for a mind-blowing masturbation session.) "A lot of women love the combination of oral sex with a few fingers inside. This works for a good reason, as this combination allows stimulation of both the external clitoris and its internal roots," Rose suggests. Move their hands to where you touch yourself, and give them audible feedback on what is working for you—right up until you reach your first peak.
5. Take a breath.
"After your first orgasm, take a moment or two to savor the afterglow before you start building arousal back up again. Your next orgasm might be mere minutes away," says Rose. Focus on your breathing to maximize the effects of your multiple-orgasm experience: "When people get sexually excited, they tend to hold the breath or breathe really shallow," says Anami. "The more you can practice deep, steady breathing, you'll relax, stay in the present moment, and also increase the power and pleasure of your orgasm." (Try practicing mindful masturbation to get the hang of staying present.)
6. Turn to orgasmic intercourse.
If you're moving on to penetrative sex, keep up the clitoral stimulation, Rose suggests. The majority of women worldwide don't orgasm from penetrative sex alone, but instead can only climax from clitoral stimulation, reports a study in the journal Clinical Anatomy. "For most women, this is how they can get to full (and multiple) orgasms during intercourse," she adds. (Start here: Make use of these best sex positions for clitoral stimulation and how to get more pleasure out of common sex positions.)
7. Keep the connection.
The deeper vaginal orgasms are all about a very deep state of release and letting go. Feeling like you're on the same wavelength as your partner can help you achieve an intensely satisfying multiple-orgasm session. "Maintaining eye contact is intense, but this forces you to be more vulnerable and open, which is key to these deeper orgasmic experiences," says Anami.
And once you reach your second orgasm, the doors are wide open: "If you can have two, you can have three, four, or more! There is no limit on how many orgasms a woman can experience," says Rose. If it doesn't happen the first time, don't worry—practicing having multiple orgasms is something you and your partner can both enjoy. (Once you've nailed it, try climaxing with your parter at the same time.)

How to Get in Touch with YOUR FEMININE ENERGY

How does a modern woman cultivate feminine energy? What does that even mean? There is no definitive guide for how much of the feminine to embrace, or in what contexts it can best serve you. The whole idea of feminine energy can sound a little woo-woo to some women, while others embrace this construct freely. Notions of masculine and feminine energy can get pretty convoluted, even among professionals. Looking at it from a blend of various lenses, such as psychology, sociology, energy work, and neurology, can perhaps shed some light on what exactly it is, and how you can cultivate it in your life.

Defining Masculine and Feminine Energy

How the masculine and feminine are labeled and discussed seems to be similar across domains, but the motive and acceptance of those terms vary. Masculine energy, sometimes referred to as “yang,” often refers to a mindset, characteristics, and patterns of behavior that are active and action-oriented. Feminine energy, or “yin,” denotes a disposition rooted in stillness. Held in concert, this polarity of masculine and feminine represents a balance of activity and stillness.
Masculine characteristics
 Action-oriented (active)
 Giving
 Organizational
 Systemizing
 Analytical
 Thinking
 Singularly focused
 Aggressive
 Individualistic
 Challenging
 Rigid
Feminine characteristics
 Stillness (passive)
 Receiving
 Spontaneous
 Fluid
 Empathic
 Feeling
 Multitasking
 Nurturing
 Collective
 Accepting
 Flexible
Many people in contemporary society reject the labels of masculine and feminine, believing they are outdated and sexist, while others cling to binary gender roles as a blueprint for life. Certainly the labels of masculine and feminine can lead to dicey pairings with gender roles, which is not necessarily what these different groupings of energy or characteristics were created to delineate.
Whether someone has more masculine or feminine traits is not necessarily tied to their gender, and here is where it can get confusing. Every person needs to possess some aspect of both masculine and feminine energy. Think about it. If you were always passive, you would never even get out of bed, let alone send back an overcooked meal at a restaurant or set boundaries with an overbearing coworker. The simple act of standing up to hustle for your morning coffee is considered masculine by these definitions. Men and women, and everyone along the gender continuum, exhibit traits that are outlined as masculine or feminine, regardless of their brain sex or body sex.

Nature versus Nurture

Biology plays a role, but social conditioning has a lot to do with how we learn to express our genetic potential. According to this study, every human starts as a female, and those who develop into men generally do so because they are introduced to a Y chromosome, and the levels of testosterone that follow allow for the expression of male biology. So basically, the penis is an overgrown clitoris, and all humans have the capacity for personality traits that have been labeled societally as male or female characteristics. But over time, how they are socialized and inherent biological dispositions in their temperament lead to one side or the other becoming more dominant.
Some people’s dominance is slight, while others are more exaggerated. Consider the person whose presence is so big, you feel it even before they swagger into the room. Confidence, dominance, and an altogether alpha attitude go with what may be considered hypermasculine energy, but that can exist in people regardless of their biological gender. On the flip side, the hyperfeminine might be better portrayed by the quiet, passive, receptive, and softer personality—someone who does not stir up trouble or make waves, but instead sits back and observes, empathizes, and accepts. The very same person can exhibit these wildly opposite traits, if they’ve learned how to access them.
Other than knowing that fun fact about penises, you might be wondering how this relates to feminine energy. First, if you are someone who hears over and over again that you’re not feminine enough, or you scare men away, or you’re too intimidating, a reality check is required. Whatever is your norm is perfectly OK, and you do not need to change (i.e., adopt any more feminine traits) in order to be a worthy human or a worthy woman. If you do feel out of sync with your own sense of femininity or feminine energy, then perhaps a deeper exploration is warranted. Cultivating your feminine energy is about recognizing when you’re out of balance and working to realign with your ideal set point.

Cultivating Feminine Energy

When women talk about harnessing their feminine energy, a few thoughts come to mind. The primary things to consider are identity and motive. The manner in which any woman sees herself is essential to understanding how she navigates her organic masculine and feminine sides. It is imperative to ask yourself why you want to challenge your current expression. Reconsider any changes you wish to make in your expression of masculine or feminine—such as if you feel pressured to do so from family, social or professional groups, or an absence of dating prospects. Only make changes if they feel aligned with your own values. Continuing to contort yourself into the box of what you believe is expected of you as a woman is a surefire way to bring on distress, anxiety, depression, and self-betrayal.
If you take your own inventory and decide you are not as balanced as you’d like, here are a few tips to get your feminine side a-flowing.
1. Slow down. If your pace is always something close to turbo speed, consider taking a pause. Chronic busy-ness plagues our culture, as a means of getting ahead and also a way of staying distracted from feelings that are uncomfortable, like vulnerability. Yes, you guessed it. Getting in touch with your feminine side requires you to be more adept at navigating vulnerability. The fallacy is that this a sign of weakness, but the practice of accepting the risks inherent in vulnerability requires Olympian strength. Withstanding the wind is a trait assigned to the feminine, because staying put is often perceived as weak, but stillness in discomfort requires an endurance that fight or flight just cannot sustain.
2. Examine your defenses and unmet needs in life. Often, when someone is operating in survival mode, they tend to function with less patience and more impulsivity. Being quick to act may keep you safe from a lunging tiger, a speeding Mercedes, or that f*ck boy at the end of the bar, but it is the antithesis to openness, receptivity, and the kind of stillness needed to accept, nurture, and blossom. Learning about your unmet needs (i.e., all the needs that keep you stuck in the same patterns over and over again) can set you free from them. Easier said than done, but knowing how to meet your needs (either for yourself or through amazing people you trust to let in) can leave you feeling more steady, secure, and able to rest from a constant state of survival-based activities. Flowers don’t bloom in a wildfire, and people can’t holistically thrive when they are doing their best just to survive.
3. Practice the art of saying thank you. Gratitude is the practice of accepting what is available and cherishing it as abundance. This simple shift in your mind can activate neuropathway development that guides you toward positivity, another subtlety of the feminine. This is not to say settle, or accept mistreatment, but allowing for compliments to land (without explaining them away) or for lemonade to be made from life’s lemons can shift your mindset into one that can be calm, content, and soft—all of which allow for deep connection and presence within yourself and those around you.
4. Aim for balance. Cherish your masculine parts and traits just as much as you might the feminine. In order for calm to set in, the body must first know what it means to be in action. The same is true in reverse. The tension between activity and stillness is necessary for the survival of any living being, so even if you tend to possess more masculine traits, that’s okay. Own them. Cherish them too. Self-loathing is not possible when you accept and love all of your parts. Self-love will allow for more organic expression of your fullest range of traits.
5. Check your biases. Do you bristle any time someone uses the language feminine? For some women, a level of internalized sexism or misogyny has made it challenging for them to accept and develop those parts of themselves that may have led them to feel vulnerable, unworthy, targeted, or broken. Examine how you feel about gender, the messages you received about it, and how that may shape your willingness to allow a little more tenderness into your psyche and social presence.
6. Be tender with yourself and others. Even Otis Redding knew the importance of getting in touch with his feminine side when he crooned the 1967 hit “Try a Little Tenderness.” Implicit in the lyrics is the message that sometimes you have to have a place to land, and it is much easier to land on a bed of soft attunement than one of harsh conditions. Show yourself, and those around you, some empathy, especially when it feels hard. That does not mean allowing yourself to be treated poorly, but compassion can exist without condoning. Give yourself a break, and a little extra tenderness, and let the stillness set in.
Above all, remember this: The goal is to strike a balance between right and left brain, active and passive, and the masculine and feminine. These traits are two sides of the same coin, not mutually exclusive entities. The key is to give yourself permission to get to know all of your various dimensions and let them be seen fully.

How to Start the MORNING on a POSITIVE VIBE

Every time we open our eyes from a blissful night’s sleep, we have the chance to make a change and live our best life. Your morning alarm goes off and it’s your choice to set the tone for the next 24 hours. We’re big believers that how you start your morning will impact your attitude and outlook for the day ahead. But it’s not always as simple as it sounds—we can relate. Maybe you’re in a funk or woke up on the wrong side of the bed. No matter the reason, there are actions you can take to pull yourself into a happier state and shift your mood. Read on to find out how to set a positive vibe first thing in the a.m.

• Deep breaths: our in-house life coach, Ryan Haddon, recommends, “Set your timer for five minutes, sit wherever you are, close your eyes, and just focus on the breath coming in and going out. You can repeat a phrase or mantra on each in/out breath, or focus on the space between breaths. If the mind wanders, simply notice it and, without judgment, gently bring the mind back to the breath.”
• She’s also a fan of a meditative walk. “Bring yourself back to the Now through your senses. Breathe: take in the scents around you, all the subtle layers of them, such as flowers, fresh-cut grass, and morning rain. Feel: the air around you, the motion of your body, the earth under your feet as you walk, the sun on your face. Hear: the sounds of birds, the wind, dogs barking, children playing, your breathing, and even your own heartbeat.”

• Follow Kourt’s lead and start your morning with a prayer. “The first thing I do each morning is get down on my knees and pray. I like to do this in my bathroom so I can look out my window, take in the blue skies, and connect with nature. It’s really important to me to express gratitude for God’s blessings and ask for health and happiness for my family. I keep the book Jesus Calling open on my bathroom counter at all times.”
• Avoid looking at your phone for the first five to ten minutes (or longer) of waking up. Use this time to disconnect from technology and connect with your thoughts. This includes waiting to respond to work-related emails/texts/chats until you’ve completed your “you time.”
• Keep a gratitude list in your notes on your phone or a journal and read over it after you’ve had your no-phone time in the morning. You can even text a close friend and let them know you’re grateful for their friendship. This small gesture will boost your mental outlook in a big way.
• Look in the mirror and hype yourself up like you would a friend. Sounds silly, but just try it—we promise it works.
• Schedule a morning workout (even if you’re feeling lazy) and encourage yourself to show up and sweat it out. Exercising in the a.m. increases energy and improves productivity for the day.
• Say positive affirmations out loud: “I can do this.” “I am successful.” “I will complete this project.” These are all examples of how to increase confidence and ultimately manifest a positive vibe for the day.

Clitoral Orgasms Vs Vaginal Orgasms - What's the Difference?

Unlike men, women can actually have different types of orgasms. On one hand, you have the clitoral orgasm, which originates from clitoral stimulation. And then there's the vaginal orgasm, which is reached through stimulation of the vagina. In this article, rather than focusing on how to give women orgasms, I'm going to explore the main differences between the two different types of orgasms.
Despite every woman being capable of different orgasms, most women only have experience with a clitoral orgasm. Over the years, women tend to train themselves to respond most to clitoral stimulation after experiencing with their own sexuality through masturbation.
Women who have experienced both vaginal and clitoral orgasms have been extremely helpful in determining the differences between the two different types of orgasms. While the clitoral climax is more common, that does not mean that it does not feel good. When a woman has an orgasm through clitoral stimulation, it is usually an extremely powerful one because it is centered on one specific area. However, this type of orgasm usually does not last very long.
A vaginal orgasm, on the other hand, is likely to last much longer than your average clitoral orgasm. In addition to lasting longer, the vaginal climax has other advantages going for it. It is often described as an extremely relaxing and soothing feeling that leaves a woman feeling much more intimate with her partner.

Despite its many advantages, the sad fact is that many women will go to their grave with only clitoral orgasms under their belts. Women and their partners alike are often frustrated by their inability to achieve true vaginal orgasms, especially during intercourse.
It doesn't end there, either. The vagina has yet another distinct advantage over the clitoris. After the clitoris is stimulated to orgasm, it becomes dormant and has to go through a recovery period before it can orgasm again, similar to a penis. The vagina, on the other hand, has no such recovery period. In fact, it is easier for a woman to have a vaginal orgasm again shortly after she's already had one!
There is no right way or wrong way to have an orgasm. Some women are satisfied only having clitoral orgasms, while others will spend their life in pursuit of mind blowing vaginal orgasms.

The 'orgasm gap': Why it exists and what women can do about it

By Julie Compton
In heterosexual relationships, women on average are having fewer orgasms than men — a problem that University of Florida professor Laurie Mintz, author of the book “Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters — And How to Get It,” calls “the orgasm gap.”
According to a 2016 study from the Archives of Sexual Behavior that looked at over 52,500 adults in the U.S. — including those who are lesbian, gay, and bisexual — 95 percent of heterosexual men reported they usually or always orgasmed during sex, compared to 65 percent of heterosexual women, who were the least likely.

“The number-one reason for the orgasm gap — and it’s not the only one — is our cultural ignorance of the clitoris,” Mintz tells NBC News BETTER.
Anatomy of the clitoris
Picture a flower with closed petals. Within the flower is a nub that branches down into two bulbous legs.
This is the image feminist and artist Sophia Wallace conjures when she talks about the part of a woman’s body that experiences the most sexual pleasure. Not the vagina, she explains, but the vulva, and especially the external clitoris — the “nub” within the vulva which contains about 8,000 nerve endings.
“The bulbs of the clitoris surround the vagina, and that’s why — when the clitoris is engaged and aroused — penetration can feel amazing, but when it’s not aroused, it can feel really uncomfortable, or like nothing, because the sensation and pleasure comes from the clitoris, not the vagina,” Wallace says.

The clitoris is the only organ in the human body solely responsible for sexual pleasure. In Greek, it means “key.” According to Wallace, it’s usually seen as a small button-like organ within the vulva, but this, she says, is a misconception.
“The clitoris is not this little nub on the outside of the vulva,” she says, “but is actually this large internal organ comprised of erectile tissue that’s similar in scale to the penis.”
Wallace has spent the last seven years illuminating the importance of the clitoris through her project “Cliteracy,” currently on display at Project for Empty Space in Newark, NJ, and her mixed-media project “Cliteracy, 100 Natural Laws.”
The artist says most people are shocked when they see what the clitoris actually looks like.

“They never know the true anatomy,” says Wallace, whose 2015 TEDx Talk on the topic received nearly 120,000 views to date. “They never know anything about it. That tells me there’s so much more work that needs to be done.”
“Inequality in the bedroom”
Mintz, who teaches the psychology of human sexuality to hundreds of college students every year, blames what she calls “inequality in the bedroom” on depictions of “media images of sex,” especially in pornography, and a “cultural over-privileging of male sexuality and a devaluing of female sexuality.”
She says most women need direct clitoral stimulation — such as oral sex and touching — to orgasm, but this is rarely depicted.This site is protected by recaptcha Privacy Policy | Terms of Service

“Instead,” she says, “what we see is women having these fast and fabulous orgasms from intercourse alone.”

According to a 2015 internet-based survey published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, which received responses from over 1,000 U.S. women, 36 percent reported that clitoral stimulation helped them orgasm during intercourse, whereas slightly more than 18 percent reported they orgasmed from intercourse alone.
Women are also more likely to orgasm if they receive oral sex (in addition to other activities like deep kissing and intercourse), according to the Archives of Sexual Behavior study, but some studies show they are less likely to receive oral sex than they are to give it.
Dispelling the “g-spot”
At the center of the myth that women should orgasm from intercourse alone is what’s popularly known as the “g spot” — often depicted as a mysterious spot on the inside of the vagina, according to Mintz.
She says the “g spot” is real, but misunderstood.

“It’s an area in the upper right side of the vagina, and it’s an area which includes a lot of structures, including the legs of the clitoris, including the female prostate glands, including the wall of the vagina,” says Mintz.
Mintz says the external clitoris is the real center of female sexual pleasure, but she doesn’t dismiss the “g spot” — she says some women indeed find it pleasurable.
“What I’m trying to fight against is the pervasive myth that orgasms from vaginal penetration — including the ‘g spot’ — are better, more ideal, the right way …” says Mintz, “when in fact the vast majority of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm.”
Women need to be aroused for sex
Like the penis, the clitoris becomes erect during arousal. "Women need to be aroused prior to penetration, according to Mintz — otherwise, the vagina doesn’t lubricate, and the cervix doesn't pull back out of the way of the penis."

“The overwhelming majority of women find that incredibly painful,” she says.
Every woman’s body is different when it comes to arousal, Mintz says, but the more time couples spend kissing, caressing, and engaging in oral sex, the more aroused she’s likely to be.
The most important thing is that women communicate to their partners what they like and don’t like, says Mintz, and that their partners are receptive to this.
“We need to be communicating what we need and feeling entitled to communicate that,” says Mintz.
Intercourse usually doesn’t last that long, and that’s ok
For the average heterosexual couple, penetration lasts 3-5 minutes, according to Mintz. But she says media depictions of sex, particularly in pornography, have led many to think it should last a lot longer.

“We have all these men calling into sex therapists worried that they’re not lasting long enough,” she says.
In some ways the male body, like the female body, is also misunderstood, according to Sarah Byrden, a sex educator and speaker.
The penis, she explains, moves in “rhythms and tides.”
“It is not designed to be consistently erect as it is depicted in all kinds of media — able to be erect inordinate amounts of time — and that is where huge performance pressure comes,” Byrden says.

Are antidepressants ruining our sex life?

Dear Alice,
My question is this... my boyfriend and I have been together a little while and what started out as an exciting sexual relationship came to a crashing halt when he was diagnosed with a mild depression due to losing his job, moving, divorce, etc. He was prescribed Effexor — a mild antidepressant/anxiety reliever that he claims has reduced his sexual drive to ZERO. He says he's very tired (he is) and is supposed to be on this stuff for a year. Can this medication do this to him? He says that it has to bother him more than it bothers me!! I feel lonely and beginning to think it's just an excuse to keep some distance between us. He says he loves me every day, is very affectionate and loving — but I hate this and don't know what to do.
Thanks, Alice,
 Lonely

Dear Lonely,
It sounds like your boyfriend is going through a series of stressful events, including a recent diagnosis and having to adjust to medication to manage his depression. Effexor (venlafaxine HCl) and other selective serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs) are a class of medications used to treat depression and anxiety disorders. In addition to increasing serotonin and norepinephrine levels in the brain, these drugs often produce some other side effects, such as nausea, dizziness, insomnia, and decreased sex drive (libido), which may be what your boyfriend is experiencing. Side effects such as this one occur as the body adjusts to new chemical balances but are typically mild and go away a few weeks after starting the drug. That said, some people experience side effects for up to a year after starting their prescription. While his medication may be a contributing factor, you also mention that he has a significant number of life changes recently, all of which could also contribute to his sex drive (or lack of it). Further, sex drive can ebb and flow in relationships for everyone, regardless of medication side effects and large life events — how much sex a person wants at a given time can change over time. So how do you parse this all out? Read on for more information on SNRIs and navigating changes in sex drives.
While it’s challenging to navigate shifts of any kind in a relationship, changes in sexual encounters can be particularly difficult to manage, especially if the change doesn’t feel mutual. Does that mean your sexual relationship is doomed? Certainly not. If your boyfriend is only supposed to be on venlafaxine for one year, he may choose to stick it out, knowing that his sexual appetite may return when he’s done with his prescription regimen. Additionally, if he feels it's helping with his depression, he may feel as though this medication is the appropriate choice for him, even with the potential side effects. If your boyfriend is frustrated by the change in libido, you might suggest that he discuss these options with the prescribing health care provider. If this doesn't yield desirable results, he may want to seek help from someone who has experience dealing specifically with the sexual side effects of antidepressants. They may be able to make adjustments to your boyfriend’s prescription — such as changing dosage, varying the time the dose is taken, or even switching medications altogether — that can help alleviate unwanted symptoms.

It’s also worth noting that many people try several antidepressants before finding the one that best meets their needs, as each SNRI varies in chemical makeup and how it affects the individual. The decision to switch medications is one made jointly between the individual and medical provider, and oftentimes depends on the context — for example, how long the person plans to be taking the medication. In addition to pharmacological adjustments, behavioral ones might do the trick, too. Have you considered having sex right before he takes his pill, when the amount in his system is lowest? You could also think about what you're defining as being physically intimate with each other and look to expand that definition. Experimenting together is a good way to help you navigate the change in your sex life.
While SNRIs are a likely suspect for his decreased sex drive, it’s also possible that the depression itself is the cause — for example, one of the main symptoms of depression is loss of sexual appetite and the physical signs of arousal. It's also possible that the number of major life changes he's experienced (move, divorce, lost job) have all contributed to his lack of libido. Regardless of the reason, feeling frustrated or lonely is a common response to sudden changes in your sex life and relationship. You might ask yourself: how has this had an impact on the way you and your boyfriend communicate? Have you been able to specifically identify your needs to feel fulfilled or how you feel about it? Open and honest communication are vital in a healthy relationship, especially during difficult periods such as this one.
Some couples find it helpful to consult with a professional to explore issues affecting their relationship. If you’re not quite there yet, how about speaking to your boyfriend again about how you're feeling? Consider telling him that you've been feeling lonely lately, that you miss being intimate with him, and that, for you, sex is a key aspect of your relationship. However you choose to proceed, don't forget to take extra care of yourself during this time. And though you want to take care of your needs, be sure to show him some compassion and be a source of support as you seek to gain a better understainding of both of your physical needs while transitioning through some major changes in his life.
Best of luck!
Alice!

Multiple orgasms — Possible?

Dear Alice,
Is it true that a woman can have multiple orgasms?

Dear Reader,
While the idea of multiple orgasms may sound like a myth or fairytale, for some people, they are, in fact, real. This experience refers to orgasms that occur rapidly, one after the other, perhaps seconds apart. Within and across the gender spectrum, some folks can experience multiple orgasms, although it may be experienced differently depending on the sexual organs involved. Additionally, while some people may be able to experience orgasm multiple times, for some that may not be the goal or even be desirable.
When a person participates in sexual stimulation of some kind, with a partner or solo, they may go through the sexual response cycle. Generally, the sexual response cycle moves through desire, arousal, orgasm, and resolution. During the desire phase, breath quickens, skin flushes and blood flows to the sexual organs. In the arousal phase, blood continues to engorge the penis or vagina, muscle tension increases, and the clitoris retracts under the clitoral hood. Next comes, for many, a fan favorite — orgasm — in which the pelvic and vaginal muscles contract involuntarily and feelings of sexual tension are released (which usually results in a very pleasurable feeling). People with penises generally experience ejaculation of semen during orgasm, and sometimes people with vaginas ejaculate a fluid as well. The final phase of the sexual response cycle is resolution, where the body slowly returns to its usual functioning and appearance; during this phase individuals may also experience fatigue. It’s worth noting that there are many ways to have sex and experience pleasure, so the sexual response cycle may not apply in all situations; however, it can be one helpful way to understand multiple orgasms. Other people may find they experience multiple orgasm in other ways.
Multiple orgasms tend to differ based on the genitalia of the person — physiologically, people with a clitoris and vagina can be aroused and can orgasm again and again. With repeated clitoral stimulation, they may be able to bounce between high arousal and orgasm until they feel that they’re finished and choose to stop. That being said, there’s wide variation amongst those with a clitoris and vagina in terms of their ability to orgasm repeatedly or interest in doing so. Some folks can feel satisfied with only one orgasm, while others are eager for more, if they're able to orgasm or enjoy that experience at all.

While there’s been less research on the subject, multiple orgasms are possible for those with penises, but they’re far less common than for those with a vagina and clitoris. Individuals with penises can experience the high peaks of orgasm, while holding back their ejaculation and, just like with a vaginal orgasm, can "bounce" between high arousal and orgasm, and then back to high arousal. Research has indicated that factors such as delaying ejaculation, using psychostimulant drugs, having sex with multiple partners, and using sex toys were associated with multiple penile orgasms.
Multiple orgasms are possible, but not everyone experiences them and it may not be everyone’s preference. Whether multiple orgasms are in the cards for a person or not, each body has unique and wonderful sexual and sensual capacities just waiting to be explored, and it’s up to each person to discover what brings them joy and pleasure.