10 Ways to Naturally Increase Your Sex DriveMikolette

When your sex drive decreases, it’s easy to get freaked out. But the great news is that there are plenty of things you can do to naturally boost your sex drive. Better yet, you can do so without having to turn to supplements or weird “tricks.”

In my online sex therapy courses, I use what I call the Five Foundations model (Physical, Mental, Emotional, Sensual, and Relational) to help you evaluate your sex drive. All of these categories play huge roles in your sex drive. All of them touch on key issues in your life beyond the bedroom that can nevertheless affect your sex drive.

Here are 10 ways to increase your sex drive naturally.

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Exercise Regularly
Physical activity has been scientifically proven to increase your self-confidence, improve your body image, and rev up your sex drive. I know it can be challenging to start a regular exercise regimen, but what better motivation than increasing your libido? Aim for about an hourlong workout, three to five days per week. (And if you’re not already working out, even about 30 minutes a day will translate to results.)

Be careful not to overdo it though! In particular, an excessive amount of exercise can actually decrease your sex drive. High-intensity training for over an hour—like long runs—five or more times a week could have a negative impact on your sex drive, research suggests.

Get More Sleep
So many people get competitive about their sleep, claiming that they can function on just a few hours a night. Unfortunately for those people, sleep plays a huge role in your sex drive.

I always say that sex drive is a luxury for the body. If your body barely has the resources to function, it’s not going to divert any of those resources towards feeling desire. Aim to get seven to eight hours per night. Yes, seven to eight!

Decrease Stress
When you’re stressed, your body creates the hormone cortisol. Cortisol effectively decreases the amount of testosterone in the body, and as you probably know, testosterone is one of the most important hormones for male desire. It’s a direct relationship—the less testosterone you have, the less likely you are to feel desire.

Plus, stress puts your body in “fight or flight” mode. Excess stress triggers that “under attack” instinct, as your body’s nervous system tries to determine whether to stay and fight, or move fast to get out of trouble.

There’s no biological reason you should be feeling desire when your body thinks it’s under attack—so yes, stress will hurt your sex drive. There are lots of ways to decrease your stress levels, including exercise, getting more sleep, and mindfulness and meditation.

Evaluate Your Diet
People always ask me what supplements they should take to increase their sex drive. I think that’s the wrong question to ask. Your diet plays a much more fundamental role in changing your sex drive. You can’t eat Taco Bell every day, pop a few supplement pills, and expect to have the libido of a 16-year-old.
Entire books have been written about libido-boosting diets, but here are the simple rules I share with my clients:

Eat foods as close to their natural state as possible, as often as possible. (Limit processed foods.)
Eat whole-grain carbs. Minimize white carbs like white flour, white rice, and white potatoes.
Eat more veggies.
Eat less meat.
Drink plenty of water.
Don’t drink soda. (Even diet soda.)

Tackle Performance Issues
Performance issues are one of the most surprising causes of low libido. The men I work with rarely make the connection. It can be a vicious cycle: If you’re having troubles with your erection or your orgasmic timing, the stress and anxiety you may feel over that sexual performance can tank your sex drive. You may feel so self-conscious about not being able to perform that you may start avoiding sex altogether.

My suggestion: If you work with a sex therapist or an online course to conquer your performance issues, your libido will come roaring back, too.

Masturbate
A lot of men erroneously believe that masturbation will deplete your sex drive. The truth is, masturbation can help you feel even more desire. Of course, you don’t want to overdo it, but regular masturbation can help you feel more in touch with your desire. The more pleasure you experience, the more you’re naturally going to keep wanting that pleasure. If you feel that ejaculation decreases your energy or desire, try masturbating but not allowing yourself to orgasm. It can be a thrilling change of pace.

Exercise Your PC Muscles
Your PC muscles are one of the easiest ways to increase your sex drive. They are located in your pelvis, and drape from your pubic bone to your tailbone like a hammock. Exercising these muscles naturally helps you develop a better connection to your body, and think about your penis on a more regular basis. The exercises also help bring more blood flow to your genitals, which can also help increase your sex drive. PC exercise can even decrease performance issues. Try doing a set of 10 quick pulses and 20 longer holds.

Address Relationship Problems
Most of the men I work with expect their sex drives to function independently from everything else going on in their lives. As you’ve probably already guessed, that’s simply not how it works. Tons of different factors affect your sex drive, including what’s going on in your relationship (if you’re in one).

If you and your partner have been arguing or have unresolved issues, your sex drive is going to be negatively impacted. Addressing relationship issues can be as simple as having more communication, or as complex as starting couples counseling. Remember: While it may be awkward in the short term, better communication is key to healthy long-term relationships.

Make the Time for Sex
This is another suggestion that most people don’t ever think about! If you don’t have the time in your busy day to even have sex in the first place, your body likely won’t desire it. Fortunately, it can be really fun to work together with your partnerto create more space in your lives for intimacy.

Have Better Sex
So few people make the connection between the desire for sex and the quality of the sex you do have. If you’re not having great sex, it doesn’t make much sense to crave it! If your sex drive feels low, ask yourself, “Do I have crave-able sex?” If it doesn’t, then you have some really fun homework ahead of you!

9 THINGS THE MOVIES GET WRONG ABOUT SEX

No Communication
In most movies, people rarely talk during sex. While there’s plenty of over-the-top grunting and moaning, there’s never any discussion of birth control, STI prevention, boundaries, or desires, and not even any verbalized sexual requests or feedback. Many movie sex scenes also lack non-verbal communication; no subtly guiding a partner’s hand to the right place or breathing a little heavier when that hand reaches the right place.

In reality, communication is essential to great sex. You and your partner should be communicating throughout your encounter. Talking during sex doesn’t need to be clunky or embarrassing; telling your partner exactly what you want them to do to you can be unbelievably hot.

Questionable Consent
Movies often show scenes of men luring women into having sex in borderline creepy ways, or having sex with women who aren’t in the right state to give consent. Even worse, these kinds of situations often appear in comedy movies where the awkward sexual encounter is meant to be a joke. But there’s really nothing funny about violating another person’s boundaries.

In the real world, I encourage my clients to follow enthusiastic consent. Not only do you both agree to experiment, you’re both excited about it. Other consent guidelines to note: A lack of a “no” isn’t a “yes,” and consent can be revoked at any time.

No Condoms, No Lube
It’s absurd how rare it is to see a condom in a movie. Is it really that hard to show them? It’s even more rare to see lube. I can’t actually think of a single instance of lube being used during a movie sex scene. But the truth is that both items should be mainstays on a single man’s bedside table.

In a perfect world, there would be no STIs or worry of unwanted pregnancies and women would be able to get wet at exactly the right moment, but that’s not the world we live in. Get some condoms and lube.

No Foreplay Necessary
Sex in the movies is usually shown as a few minutes of passionate making out followed by an immediate leap into intercourse. There’s almost never any foreplay, and when there is, it’s very limited.

Quickies can definitely be a lot of fun, but consistently skipping over foreplay is a bad idea. Most people need foreplay in order to relax and fully get into the mood. Many people can’t go straight to intercourse without properly warming up and getting the proverbial (and literal) juices flowing first. Skipping foreplay makes it less likely that you’ll experience performance issues and more likely that she’ll orgasm. Plus, foreplay is sexy and pleasurable. It shouldn’t be considered a chore.

Women Always Orgasm from Intercourse
In the movies, women need just a few seconds of thrusting in order to have explosive orgasms. Women are even shown having their very first orgasms ever simply from penetration.

The truth is that the vast majority of women need clitoral stimulation in order to reach orgasm. Intercourse feels good, but it just doesn’t create the clitoral stimulation that a woman needs to reach her peak. If you want to help her orgasm, you’re more likely to get her there with your fingers, tongue, a toy, or by watching her touch herself in front of you. Plus, it’s not that hard to give her clitoral stimulation during intercourse. 

Simultaneous Orgasms, Every Time
You know the scene: The couple locks eyes in one fiery moment of passion. Their eyes roll to the backs of their heads and they moan in unison. They have their orgasms at the exact same second, then flop back onto the bed (without any cleanup) in ecstatic satisfaction.

In my practice, I encourage my clients not to aim for simultaneous orgasms. They can be really fun when they happen, but it’s not worth consistently making an effort to come at the same time. Trying to force simultaneous orgasms usually just ends up with one person frantically trying to slow down their orgasm, one person frantically trying to speed up their orgasm, and neither person feeling particularly satisfied.

A Poor Understanding of Kink
It’s bad enough seeing all the mistakes they make with vanilla sex in the movies, but kinky scenes are especially cringeworthy. Screenplay writers just don’t seem to have an understanding of kinky sex, nor have they bothered to consult with kink experts. Couples are shown casually engaging in kink and BDSM without any idea of what they’re doing or anything kinky is overblown into something that’s dirty and wrong. Not only is it inaccurate, it could even be dangerous.

In the real world, kink can be incredibly sexy, but it’s important to do it in an informed and responsible way. If you’re using props or tools, you need to understand how to safely use those items. If you’re playing with domination and submission, you need to have conversations about boundaries and pick a safeword. If you’re doing any sort of pain play, you have to take safety precautions. Even seemingly simple things like choking a partner or pulling their hair have a technique behind them.

Shower Sex Always Works
This is a relatively minor one, but it has always been a pet peeve. In the movies, the hottest sex seems to happen in the shower. No one ever slips or falls, bringing the shower curtain down with them. No lube is ever needed. The couple is always the perfect height match so that penetration can happen. Soap never gets in anyone’s eyes. No one ever feels like they’re being waterboarded.

In reality, all of the above actually happen during shower sex. It can be a lot of fun, but there’s also a lot that can go wrong. Pro tip: I recommend fooling around in the shower, but getting out and moving to the bed when you’re ready to have sex.