Common Issues Couples Have With Sex

Sex should be as simple as it is fun, right? Though we're all certainly filled with high hopes when we enter the bedroom, strip down and get under the covers with our significant other, perfection isn't always in the cards. More often than not, there are common issues that pretty much every couple can relate to when they're getting ready to partake in some bumping and grinding Road bumps can show up anywhere. The silver lining to sexual issues is that most (if not all) couples can relate to them.  So if you and your parter are struggling, you're not alone. Keep reading to learn more about common issues couples have with sex.

Being in the mood. It doesn’t matter how great something feels — if you’re not in the mood for it, you’re not in the mood for it. This can be a constant struggle for couples, especially when their schedules are completely off.

Finding the time. The older you get, the less responsibility you should have to deal with. But that’s not the case. Not by a long shot. When you haven’t exactly got the time for sex, the chances of it happening as frequently as you’d like grows slimmer and slimmer.

Laziness. Getting some people in the mood is like pulling teeth. Believe it or not, some people are so invested in doing as little as humanly possible that they ignore one of the most important aspects of a relationship. When you ignore the fundamental parts of a relationship, you may as well be on your way out the door — for good.

Tied down. When you feel trapped in a relationship, that may be a pretty clear indicator that you should probably move on. However, not everybody takes that cue. They end up feeling stuck in the relationship and stuck with sex that they’re not even completely into. It’s all just a waste of time to them.

Openness. Don’t hold back with your partner. Try new things. When it comes to having sex, there are so many ways you can explore it, so don’t cower away from new experiences. You just may end up discovering new about yourself that you never even knew existed.

Comparing it to others. We always assume that someone else is so much happier than we are. It’s the curse of being human. What’s worse is when that way of thinking is brought into the bedroom, assuming your sex life will never live up to someone else’s.

Lack of communication. If you can’t communicate with your own partner, then there are bigger problems than what’s wrong in the bedroom. This lack of communication is likely extending outside of the bedroom and in all the other areas of your relationship. So if you can’t tell your partner what you want, then you may need to dig deeper to find the real root of the problem.

Dominance. If you don’t like being dominated in the bedroom, but that’s just how your partner rolls, there’s going to be some issues. It’s inevitable. Wherever people stand in terms of submissiveness or dominance, they’re unlikely to change roles.

Keeping it up. There’s nothing more stressful for a guy in the bedroom than if his boner doesn’t stay a boner. To make matters worse, simply stressing over losing an erection will play an enormous role in keeping it down. It’s pretty much a vicious cycle.

Boring sex. Here four words you should never associate with sex: “Run of the mill.” When sex gets boring, it kind of loses its point. Sure, your genitals will feel A+, but there’s so much more to sex than getting off. If you can’t keep things spicy in the bedroom, one of you needs to get the ball rolling.

Getting it up. Some guys have this issue. In fact, a lot of guys have this issue. E.D. is super common, even though it’s unfortunately so, and, obviously, if there’s no erection, there’s no sex — so the problem really speaks for itself. This is something that needs medical attention.

Accidental pregnancy. As fun as sex is, it can also be terrifying. Though most people would welcome a baby with open arms, even one that was never planned for, changing your entire life just because you got horny is not always an ideal situation. This fear alone can add some considerable weight onto relationship stress levels.

Not enough. In a relationship, there’s a solid chance that one partner may want sex way more than the other. It all comes down to how they’re wired. Though this may not seem like such a big deal, it can actually cause quite a rift between partners, resulting in major incidences of frustration.

Adult entertainment. Couples watching porn is totally healthy and totally fun. Like anything else, however, it can be abused. If your partner needs adult entertainment to get off with you, then you may as well raise the red flags yourself. There’s a problem — an evident problem — and it should be addressed as soon as possible.

Feeling jaded. Feeling "over it" isn't exactly a rare feeling. We all go through it every now and then. But when it comes to sex with your partner, that can be the sign of something worse to come. Couples who feel like they lost the spark may need to figure out a way to rekindle what they used to have before they just grow more and more tired of each other.

Sex Workers Use A Hierarchy To Prove They’re Better Than Other Sex Workers

A blogger who goes by the name “The Resident Hooker” wrote a post on Feministing entitled “Sex Worker Hierarchy Sucks,” and it got us to thinking. Do some sex workers think they’re better than others? In her post, The Resident Hooker writes, “It does not serve any of us (sex workers) to call rank. A call girl who makes $5,000 an hour is no more or less a sex worker than a trans woman who gives blow jobs for $20 in Brooklyn.” We agree wholeheartedly, but wanted to learn a bit more about why some sex workers consider their work to be better than others.

Sex worker hierarchy. Rebecca Leib entered a conversation for Vice about sex workers and a sort of secret hierarchy with a few friends she had. Each one of these friends, roughly 30+, had all done some sort of work in the sex industry.

Sex worker hierarchy. “The more people I talked to, the more I realized that there wasn’t one consistent metric to decide which jobs in the industry were ‘better’ than others,” Leib wrote. She said she still discovered that there was a “pervasive sense that some jobs were ‘worse,’ and many sex workers looked down on others with ‘lesser’ jobs.”

Sex worker hierarchy. Leib discovered this hierarchy wasn’t based on money. “If anything,” she wrote, “the highest earners were often looked down upon as the least valued part of the community.” Fame didn’t seem to factor into it either.

Sex worker hierarchy. Leib, after speaking with industry professionals, that they saw two hierarchies separating the sex industry. “One organized by the degree of physical contact with clients, and the other by how enjoyable they were,” she wrote.

Sex worker hierarchy. Are those sex workers who don’t actually have to touch or have sex with their clients better than those who do? Melinda Chateauvert, author or “Sex Workers Unite!,” told Leib some people worked as pro-dominatrixes or dancers “because they don’t have sex, give blow jobs, or exchange body fluids."

Sex worker hierarchy. The point of contention, again, is touch. “They feel superior to those who do,” Chateauvert said to Leib. “They use contact as a meter.” Leib found that many people echoed this sentiment. Leib said she found strippers who didn’t consider stripping to be sex work because they didn’t have to touch anyone.

Sex worker hierarchy. Leib spoke with Gina DePalma, an escort and adult film actress, who has seen this hierarchy played out first hand. “Dancers thought of prostitutes as lower than them and would look down their nose at dancers who left the club for money with clients,” DePalma told Leib.

Sex worker hierarchy. DePalma continued, “They walked around naked for dollars and grinder on guys crotches for 20s,” along with a host of other things, “yet some thought they were better than the call girl or stripper who goes to the guy’s room."

Sex worker hierarchy. Leib then found another layer of nuance to this hierarchy, that of legality. Leib spoke with a cam girl who explained the ridiculous double standard of the adult film industry vs. prostitution. “Men frequently believe that prostitutes are filthy and desperate—but they praise [adult film] stars. It’s as thought the computer screen shields them from the reality that they are both women who sell sex."

Sex worker hierarchy. Does the hierarchy really matter if you enjoy what you do for a living? Leib addressed this point with Hilary Holiday, an escort based in Minneapolis. “I love what I do,” she told Leib.

Sex worker hierarchy. “I’m very choosy as to who I will spend time with and require copious amounts of respect,” Holiday continued. “I turn most away. I make a good six-figure income and trade options with the savings I’ve built."

Sex worker hierarchy. Freedom seems to have a place at the table when it comes to this hierarchy as well. Those who can afford to pay their bills and have money left over have more wiggle room and would theoretically be seen as “better” than those who don’t fully enjoy what they do and aren’t compensated enough to get by.

Sex worker hierarchy. To circle back to a point The Resident Hooker made, it doesn’t serve anyone to tear people down. “As a community of folk with the sole purpose is to satisfy people’s desire to connect with another person (or people), it’s important that we are able to recognize the contributions that all of us are making to that cause — in addition to our pockets,” she said.

Sex worker hierarchy. At the center of this conversation is judgment overall. Those who enjoy what they do and keep to themselves don’t have much time to judge others. At the end of the day, these sex workers —no matter what they do or what they get paid to do it— are human beings just trying to make a living.

Sex worker hierarchy. What do you think? Do you think the sex worker hierarchy is problematic? Have you ever thought about it before? Let us know your opinions in the comments section below.

Types Of Sex You Have When You Finally Come Out Of The Closet

Coming out of the closet can be terrifying, but the fact that you can finally be open about who you have sex with helps a  Sure, there'll be stresses, and sure, there'll be anxieties, but it's all so freaking worth it. Then again, nothing's perfect. So now that you're finally out of your sneaky sex stage and into your "Hello world, I'm having gay sex" stage, you're going to have fun, but you're also going to run into some speed bumps along the way. Keep reading to learn all about the types of sex you have when you finally come out of the closet.What's the worst sex you've ever had like? Let us know!

Oh-that-wasn’t-worth-it sex. Being out is new, and naturally, you’re horny. You want to get laid. So to make this happen, you pretty much settle on whoever’s closest, really. Unfortunately, due to the lack of attention, the moment you orgasm, you realize how stupid of an idea this was. You can do so much better.

Other-gay-friend sex. Every gay man has been there. Their gay friend is so happy that they finally have the chance to see what you look like naked, and to be honest, you’re kind of feeling the same way. It happens. It’s innocent. It’s potentially awkward.

Older-guy-at-bar sex. You’ve never really had the chance to go out to gay bars, and now that you have, you realize that the only gay bars in your area are filled only with men over 40. Not what you were expecting, and definitely not something you will engage. However, after they’ve bought you enough drinks, you loosen up a little and your standards go down a lot.

Experimental-drunk-friend sex. So, they’ll tell you they don’t remember a single thing, but your friend got piss drunk and, seeing as you’re the gay friend, they took it upon themselves to experiment with you. You did so gladly, because why not? But this was a drunk decision they’ll be roiling around in their head for pretty much the rest of their lives…

I-didn’t-sign-up-for-this sex. Gay or straight, people can get weird when it comes to sex. They can turn out to be much freakier than you ever expected them to be. But if you just came out of the closet, then it’s going to be especially strange because you may not have ever considered these positions or objects as sexual options before…

WTF-that-hurt sex. You’ve played with yourself before, so you’re not entirely unfamiliar with anal. But “playing with yourself” never included an actual penis and the violent thrusting motions of another horny male. You like it (after a while, at least), but you won’t lie and claim that it didn’t feel like your hole just bit by a swarm of hornets.

Proud sex. Every other time you’ve had sex with someone of the same gender, you’ve had to sneak it. But now you’re able to be open about it with everyone — especially your roommates or your parents, depending on who you’re still living with.

Infatuation-not-love sex. You make such a positive connection and have such good sex with this person that you think, “Well, damn. This is the one.” In reality, you’re just infatuated, and you’ll learn this fairly quickly, once you figure out that he or she is just that charming with everyone. To them, you’re really nothing special.

“Straight guy” sex. You’re on Grindr, and you get a message from a blank profile. They’re straight (they swear). They’ve never done this before (they insist). But what’s most interesting is that they almost always want to be the bottoms. That is to say, they almost always want you to f*ck them.

Regrettable sex. Have you ever sighed after sex? Well, maybe you didn’t do it aloud, but you did it all the same. These moments are vital, though. You need them in order to value yourself more than you do. You just came out of the closet. Don’t let that pride go to waste!

Cry-your-way-home sex. You thought that after coming out, sex was going to be 100 percent fun. But it didn’t take long for you to realize how untrue that really was. We can all blame your juiced up libido for convincing you to sleep with “that guy,” even though you not only found him unattractive, but kind of gross. Now, you feel gross and you’re crying on your way home, telling yourself you’ve hit your sexual rock bottom.

Double-top-pickle sex. You honestly never saw this kind of predicament coming. You find yourself in a bedroom (or car or wherever) with some random hookup, but you both discover that neither of you are bottoms. This is an issue. Because. Well. Where the hell are you going to put your penis?

Not-a-fan-of-anal-actually sex. Not every gay guy is into anal, and it may take him so experimentation to figure this out. It doesn’t make him any less gay, it just means that he’s got a sexual preference like everybody else.

No-show sex. You had everything planned, but then this guy flakes on you. So, what was meant to be a passionate night of steamy sex has now devolved into a five minute adult film search and masturbation session. You’ll end up watching “Bob’s Burgers,” wondering why you’re letting a random flake actually bother you.

Surprisingly promising sex. You have high hopes with this person, but you’re trying to not attach yourself to people so easily. But, as it turns out, this little hookup turned out to be much more pleasant than you had imagined it would. As it turns out, the following hookup is no different. Nor is the next. Or the next…

What Is Your Sex Toy Really Doing To Your Body?

Sex toys have become an essential in a lot of women’s sex lives. Unlike a man, you can always depend on them to be there— and to make you orgasm. Some women discovered sex toys from an early age and have used them since, but there’s concern amongst women that prolonged use may be ultimately damaging and could cause desensitization. Here, we discuss the effects of your sex toy (the vibrating kind, by the way) on your body. It might seem like it's all pleasurable, but read on to see if that's true.

Sex toys. The invention of vibrating sex toys changed the way women masturbate forever, significantly improving their experience for the better. What do you think it is actually doing to your body - like, besides all that good stuff?

Worrying. But too much of anything is never a good thing, and some women worry that their sex toys may have desensitized them or could make it harder for them to orgasm in any other way.

Myth. But experts are reassure that this is nothing but a myth. Sex expert Vanessa Marin tells Cosmopolitan that contrary to popular belief, there’s nothing to worry about when it comes to using your sex toy on a regular basis.

Arousal. “Applying vibration to the clit, or anywhere else on the body, does not cause desensitization. When the clit is aroused, it swells with blood much like a penis — they're analogous parts — and the increased surface area exposes more nerve endings,” says Marin, as reported by Cosmopolitan.

Blood flow. Experts aren’t certain why the vibration brings so much pleasure to women, but agree that it might have something to do with the blood flow that being increased in the clitoris, says Cosmopolitan.

Stimulation. Because the vibration of a sex toy can be so intense, it can make other forms of stimulation pale in comparison. So when you get used to the sensation of a sex toy, it might feel like yo’ve lost sensitivity when stimulated my someone or something else.

Perception. "It's all about the relative perception of stimulation,” Ligon tells Cosmopolitan. She also compares using sex toys to using a massage chair saying “if you sit in a powerful massage chair for an hour and then immediately get a shoulder rub, the shoulder rub won’t feel as intense as it would have if you hadn’t sat in that massage chair first,” reports Cosmopolitan.

Sex. Other people that use sex toys are concerned that after using them for so long, it’ll affect the way they have sex, especially if they’re used to incorporating it into intercourse on a regular basis.

Replacement. “I think this is an idea that has been perpetuated in part by folks who fear that vibrators are ‘replacements’ for people, which they are absolutely not. an a vibrator cuddle you after it makes you come? Nope! Vibration is truly a blessing in that it makes achieving orgasm much easier with less physical effort than manual stimulation, and I'm all for anything that brings more orgasms into the world,” says Ligon, as reported by Cosmopolitan.

Addiction. At the end of the day, Ligon says that as crazy as it sounds, it’s impossible to get addicted your sex toys, but there are certain instances where you might want to consider taking a break from them.

Relationship. "If you're currently in or are planning on being in a relationship in the future, think about the role you want your [sex toy] to play in your sex life,” says Ligon, as reported by Cosmopolitan.

Intimate. But sex toys can also be a good addition to your sex life, so long as your partner is comfortable with it. Sex toys can make sex with a partner much more exciting and intimate.

Partner. “If you're down with having your partner use a [sex toy] on you, or using a [sex toy] with your partner, by all means, buzz away!” says Ligon, as reported by Cosmopolitan.

Guide. Sex toys can also be good for people who have a hard time orgasming any other way, or as a way to explore what feels good for you and what doesn't, so that when you do have a partner, you’re able to guide them.

Intense. “And if you are only able to come from the most intense vibration known to humankind, then that is also amazing and awesome!” says Ligon, as reported by Cosmopolitan.